Matt the Actor

After I came home from my LDS Mission back in 1995 (wow! that really dates me) I was unsure of what I wanted to do and what I wanted to be. I wanted to go back to school and I was thinking of either Sociology or Broadcast Journalism but I was unsure if school was right for me at the time. I had a steady job working for MotorCargo but I wanted to do more in life than just working for a paycheck.
I saw an ad in the paper from the Eastman Agency that was looking for models and actors. So I thought what the heck and decided to go down for an interview. I met an agent names Jenny and we talked about modeling and acting. The company was more into modeling and it wanted to branch out into acting and I was one of the first applicants to come in for acting. The more that we spoke the more that we both thought I should give this a good try. So I signed up to take some acting classes.

The acting classes were taught by actor Bruce Ackerman and we met once a week for about two months. The classes were fantastic. There were about ten of us that took the class and we really got along and bonded. Bruce taught us a lot about acting for the camera and how to get over being nervous and how to really get the best emotion out of all of us. Then it was up to us to reenact a favorite scene from a movie. And the one I chose was "one of the more interesting and gutsiest" actors to follow. I chose the opening scene to Army of Darkness with Bruce Campbell. Bruce advised me that this would be a hard act to follow (not sure if he meant the pun) and said that this would be a make or break it type of audition. But I did it anyway.

We were to practice and then audition if front of everyone and then he would critique it. I have to admit that it was a little nerve wracking to perform in front of him and my peers. I do recall that I volunteered to go first so I could get it out of the way. I was glad for it to be done with and he said that I did very well especially considering the source material. He said that my facial expressions were some of the best he has seen. The next project was to partner up with a few other classmates and pick another scene to act out at a recital to finish the training.

But first we had the awesome opportunity to go down to Salt Lake a few times and work with an agent that worked for LDS Productions. These were audition workshops and they really taught me a lot. We did this four times during the course and they were the best part. Our instructor would first introduce us to the audition world and then we dove right in. He would hand us a partial script and tell us who our character was and what he wanted and then we would practice for about fifteen minutes and then head in for a live audition. The first two times we went they were singular auditions, so you were really on your own. The third week was acting together in pairs. He would pair us up together and hand us a script and told us to work it out how we thought it should go.

I remember one audition in particular. I was paired up with Alina and we were a married couple. The script came from Field of Dreams. The more we practiced it the better we felt we got but it seemed like the audition was still missing something. So Alina came up with this idea that if we were married, we should act like we were married and be more affectionate physically. We didn't know if this was frowned upon in the audition process but we didn't have anything to lose. So we went ahead and threw ourselves in these roles. It was an amazing experience. We were these characters and it got to the point that we forgot our lines and just ad libbed the rest of the scene. But it worked because we were in sync with each other. Our instructor stopped us before we got to the end and he was speechless. He said that was the best audition he has seen so far and if we were auditioning for real, he would have hired us right on the spot! It didn't matter that we forgot the lines. It was more important to capture the feeling than the words. He then asked everyone that was watching if they noticed that we were making up our lines. And none of them said they did because they were absorbed in the scene. He then said "There is no such thing as overacting when it is real."

We continued with these workshops and classes and finally it was time to graduate. We put on a show at a fraternity hall at Utah State and we invited our friends and family. I teamed up with Alina again and also Trudy and we chose the Miracle Max scene from the Princess Bride. We also met up together and practiced and practiced for this recital. And we knocked it out of the park! We had such a good time throughout the evening and we were told that ours was the best.

My handwritten script of the Princess Bride

The next week we took pictures for our portfolio and then it was time to begin auditions. Unfortunately the Eastman Agency was not properly equipped for handling acting as it was for modeling and they packed their bags from Logan and moved back down to Salt Lake. I didn't get to audition anywhere like I wanted too but the class and experience was still worth it.

While the Eastman Agency didn't land me any jobs, my class instructor did. Bruce called me twice and got me two acting gigs. They were both voice over work for some local businesses for the radio. It was a lot of fun to get into the studio and perform. Bruce thought I was the most talented of the bunch (and I am not just saying that because I can) and said that I had a lot of versatility. But that was the last professional work I did. Like I said, I don't regret it at all. In fact, this class helped me land a spot in the musical Chess.

I still would like to get into acting. There is just something neat about nailing a scene and selling it to an audience. I guess acting around the house for Kristy and Logan will do for now.

Matt at Work: The Pee Pledge

Day 340

I debated whether or not I should blog about my final day at WestHost. Every time I write it, I come off a bit bitter and I don't want everyone to think that I am angry for how my tenure at WestHost ended.

It ended as abruptly as it began. I didn't think that I landed the job since it took so long for them to get back to me and I didn't go in that morning with the mindset that was going to be my last day. But it is what it is.

I do admit that I was extremely unhappy at my job. My new boss Clint didn't know what to do with me. There were days were we never spoke. And I realized that I was alone in my job. I sat alone separated from my old friends in my old department. But I still did my job and I pride myself that I did it well. But I didn't think I was doing a good job since I was barely covering every thing. They did try to help by having the girls in the Accounts Department help me when I was busy but I hated that. They were already busy and I know deep inside they hated doing sales. So this made me more of an outcast. About two months before I quit I hit rock bottom. I decided to slack off as a call for help but that didn't work either.

I drew this on a Post-It Note and would add a nail each time something happened that made my job unhappy.

I still liked the job and I liked what I was doing but I was just overwhelmed. And I was being micromanaged to the Nth degree. I would miss ONE call (either because I was away from my desk or on the horn already) and I would be asked by both my boss Clint and Smalls. The reason the call was dropped was an easy one to figure out. I was either away from my desk (which I had to do a lot with sales testing and training and dedicated server orders) or I was on the phone and no one was around to help me. Or I was assisting Tech Support in taking their phone calls which left the Sales Department vulnerable. It was an ugly, endless cycle.

I hated it so much there that I finally cleaned out my desk and took all my crap home. I was ready for a change, I just didn't expect it to happen so quickly.

It was a morning like any other morning. The day before had been a bit busy and some calls were dropped. So I was interrogated by Smalls and then I had to explain it again to my boss Clint. All while trying to get a head start on the day. They would ask me why I didn't get those calls that dropped. I don't know and I don't remember why those calls dropped. It was the same explanation, I was either away from my desk or already on the phone. It could only be those two reasons! It was harassment.

A few minutes later, I get this fun IM (instant messaging) telling me that I need to make sure that someone is covering the phone ALL the time. So what do they expect me to do? Go and log the Accounts girls into the Sales phone whenever I have to leave my desk. I replied and said I would but it would be difficult since I have other responsibilities and I cannot wait for others to help. Clint replied and said he understood (yeah right) and then told me that I have to ask someone to cover the phones whenever I am away from my desk. I get it Clint. You don't need to spell it out for me. I have this conversation every stinking day. I was promised that they would hire a Sales assistant MONTHS ago but they have not done a thing to help me.

"So I need to get permission to pee and use the bathroom."

And that is what started the ball rolling. I guess in hindsight I shouldn't have said that but that was what I honestly felt and thought. I think that pissed Clint off because he knew essentially I was right. This is what bugged me about Clint. He was a company guy to company people but to his "friends" he could bag on WestHost all he wants. He did it all the time before I was put in his department. But when he became my boss he had to toe the company line. He was hypocritical.

I left to go home and take Logan to his first day in Kindergarten (I had previously arranged it) and when I got back to WestHost I had to meet with Clint again. Instead of handling the situation himself he went to Smalls like a kiss up. And they came to this answer. In order for me to keep my job, I had to write a paper detailing why I want to keep my job and what I would do in order to keep it.

Thus the "Pee Pledge" was born.

Then they told me to take the afternoon off and go home and think about what I would write to WestHost. It only took me an hour to come to the decision to leave WestHost. And I felt good about it. I went in early the next morning and wrote an e-mail to the staff informing them of my decision to leave. I could have really thrown WestHost under the bus but I wanted to leave with my dignity intact. I didn't want to ruffle any feathers, I just wanted out on my own terms. And they didn't see it coming. I am sure that while they saw me typing they thought I was signing the Pee Pledge.

I would have loved to send this pledge out!

I went in to Clint's office and told him I appreciate what he has done for me (bold face lie) and wished him the best but it would be best if WestHost and I parted ways. I felt a little bad for Clint. I liked him before he was my boss and I think he is a decent guy but he was also a Convergys manager. And therefore put himself over every thing else, even if it meant stepping on someone else. Another manager at WestHost, someone whom I thought was a friend, had the Convergys mentality and stabbed many other workers in the back. I know that he was the one whispering to Clint to get rid of me. He was just as hypocritical, he would bag on WestHost and when I would bag on them too he would run and tell.

I then grabbed my stuff to go up and visit with Brian to tell him that I was quitting. I stopped by my desk and sent the staff that e-mail (to everyone but Smalls) and I made the long walk up the stairs. I entered his office and gave him my binder and said I wanted to leave. Brian was shocked, I really don't think they thought I was going to quit. He had to quickly run and print some paperwork (and knowing how anal he is, he really should have had that done so I knew I caught them with their pants down) and conducted an exit interview. He said that he really tried to help and I just shook my head in disagreement. But I signed the papers and I was a free man. I did have one condition and that was to have two weeks to get my websites off of my free account and into a paid hosting account with WestHost. Brian agreed and said he would tell Chris and they would give me a week to move my stuff.

Yeah, that lasted a few days. It was a good thing that I started to download my stuff that night. They deleted my account three days after I quit.

Right after I walked out, I went and visited my friend Zack who was at his new job. As soon as I walked in, Zack and Chris (another WestHost casualty) stood up and gave me a standing ovation. Someone had already texted Zack that I quit. Good news travels fast.

I hope that didn't sound bitter. Quitting WestHost was the best thing for me. Now I work with my dad, now I have more time to spend with my family, I have lost about twenty pounds. I feel healthier, I feel happier.

Matt at Work: The Office out West

Day 332

This is my last Matt at Work column. During the course of the year I have covered every single job that I have ever been employed at and this is my last one (excluding my current job) covering five years at WestHost.

I had quit Kraft/Convergys to concentrate on schooling and I attended Salt Lake Community College for about a year or so when Kristy became pregnant with Logan. I stopped going to school to take care of him when Kristy went back to South Hills to finish off the school year. After that she decided that she didn't want to teach anymore and wanted to stay at home, which meant that I was to get a full-time job. I didn't want to work down in the Salt Lake City area so we moved back to Logan and found a nice house down on the "Island". Kristy unfortunately had to take a job with the school district while I searched for new employment.

I interviewed at a couple of places but didn't get any callbacks until WestHost. I interviewed with a guy that I went to high school with. He knew who I was but I had no clue who this guy was but I played along. I first interviewed with him and then I interviewed with a man who eventually became my boss in Bevan. When I got into his office, Bevan had his assistant in the office with him, the person that I was replacing. Bevan started to ask me questions when suddenly I hear her say, "Matt Platis? You have got to be kidding me!" It was an old college friend. Her name was Jennifer and we hung out quite a bit many years earlier. It was because of her that I got hired. She even told me after the interview that she would make sure that I got this job. After two weeks of waiting, WestHost finally called me and I got the job to work in the Sales and Marketing Department.

I worked with some fantastic people in the Sales and Marketing Department and I felt in the beginning that I was a real force in the company. I invented a lot of the current policies and I quickly became the go-to-guy when it came to anything about Sales. And I loved my job.

There were certainly a lot of quirks though. The CEO of WestHost was this young kid who formed the company in high school. He never had to hold down a job himself and that led to some interesting and unfortunate situations which I have blogged about here.

Remember the Bathroom Memo?

Remember how mad our CEO got after the company photo was retouched?

And there was that time where they passed out anonymous and confidential company surveys.

And who could forget all the Chris-isms?

But like I said, I liked who I worked with and I liked my job and felt needed. One of the fun things we did at WestHost was the Madden Tournaments. Another fun thing we did was go out to eat all the time. We were constantly getting breakfast burritos or going on McGriddle runs. We also went out every month as a department for lunch as well. And then there was all the fun using Instant Messaging. Which actually leads to another interesting moment while working at WestHost.

Our CEO Chris took the whole Sales and Marketing Department out to lunch one day. It was actually pretty fun, Chris didn't talk too much about business and we chatted about movies and things like that. He also said that he liked that all of the Sales and Marketing Department had a lot of fun together. We told him some stuff that Zack and I used to do and Chris mentioned that he remembers the time when we counted how many Mark cleared his throat. (Just for the record: Mark cleared his throat ALL the time. We must have counted at least once a minute!) Zack and I looked at each other and just laughed it off. After the lunch Zack and I talked about it. We did count how many times Mark coughed but we did that all through IM (instant messaging) so now we knew for sure that he was reading all the messages we sent to each other. I think we wrote our IM's backwards for the next couple of days.

It wasn't ALL bad at WestHost. I did win Employee of the Month twice.

But as things do, things change. WestHost hired people that were Convergys people. Some of them were good but most of the Convergys people, especially those that were in management at Convergys, tried to bring their craft to this small company. And soon WestHost went from employee-friendly to being all about numbers. One of the guys they hired, a guy that I nicknamed Colby (a form of cheese), was extremely hard to work with.

Callback. (inside joke)

He was hired to be the Client Services Manager and was in charge of quality. I was going to share some of my old blogs concerning this man but I found that I would have to do some major, major editing and censoring. I will just share one so you get the general idea of what I am dealing with.

Colby is very cheesy and anal in his job. You need someone who is anal in the position that he is in. He monitors customer service quality and is very good at it but he goes overboard all the time and the program comes off very silly. Now that he is a member of the department, he is in meetings with me now. Our Sales meeting used to be an oasis for me, where I can finally unlock the shackles that tie me to the phone and where I can express ideas for the department. It was nice, being away from the beckoning of the phone for an hour until he arrived. Now, we have to have the meeting by my desk so I can continue to do my duties and to cover Tech Support with the dreaded callback program. We also get to hear "testimonies" of customer service, where Colby gets to the point of tears telling us why we do what we do and why we should continue to do it. I already know this, I have worked in this profession for years. He crams this stuff down our throats all the time. He sends little e-mail reminders, he leaves little reminders on our desks, but it is worse to hear them in person. I roll my eyes and draw little sketches of cheese while he is talking. I smile politely when he speaks of his "baby". It makes me want to wretch.

Not only does he possess anal abilities but he also possesses a large snoopy nose. He wants to dip his beak into everything and must know everything that is going on around him. At first, this was aggravating but now it has turned into a fun little game for me as I play on his eagerness to get information. I supply little tidbits for him, making it look like I know more than he does. I am sure this really gets his goat. It must drive him insane when I know something he does not know. A fellow co-worker sits at the desk in front of me and Colby is always asking me what he is doing. One time, Zack had to leave a little early to lunch because he was taking his wife to work. As soon as he left, I get a little message (IM) popping up asking me where Zack has gone. Even though I know the full reason why he has left, I do not give out all the information. Whenever there is a closed-door meeting, he asks me what it is all about. Here is a true life example:

Colby: "Hey I noticed Bevan's (my boss) door closed. Is Zack with him?"
Me: "Yes."
Colby: "Do you know what they are talking about."
Me: "I think so."
Colby: "How long have they been in there? Wonder what's up."
Me: "I think they are talking about some new programs, but I cannot tell exactly. That is why Zack went in there in the first place."
Colby: "Hmmmm. New programs for customers?"
Me: "Nope. New ideas for how we should handle our clients."
Colby: "Really? You know what?"
Me: "I wasn't invited to the meeting so it is none of my business. I have a couple of ideas though."

Obviously, I have either absolutely no idea what this meeting is about or I clearly know what the meeting is about and I am purposely doing this to tease him and make him curious and nervous. Jump through hoops! 

Colby eventually quit and things seemed to improve but that didn't last long. Now don't get me wrong, Colby is a swell guy. I just couldn't deal with all the WestHost/Convergys Cheese he forced us to eat. Unfortunately he had to do it and I understand that. Soon my boss Bevan quit and things quickly spiraled down the toilet. Zack became my new boss and I enjoyed that quite a bit and we hired a new guy named Matt. We had a great time together but WestHost was not honest in its dealings with the new Matt and he quit. And the pressure on Zack was just too much. There was a lot of gossip and a lot of backstabbing and false promises. Not a healthy environment to be in.

Still, the actual job was not bad. I liked assisting clients and being part of the Sales Department. The volume was unfortunately rising since essentially I was the only one keeping the day-to-day activities of the Sales Department afloat. One of my favorite things to do at WestHost was to work on the Affiliate Program but that didn't end very well and I used to have to train new employees on Sales matters and issue Sales Tests throughout the company. I really enjoyed those things and I thought I did them extremely well. I even wrote the entire Sales Manual for the company.

Zack stepped down as my boss and then they split the Sales and Marketing Departments. And this was the start of the end of my time at WestHost. I was given a new boss named Clint. He was Colby's replacement. Now I liked Clint until he became my boss. We all know why WestHost went this direction. They wanted to hire a Sales Manager but they didn't want me. No one else interviewed so WestHost was forced to do something. They made Clint the Sales Manager (whom I had to train when he was named manager) and they gave me this bloated title to appease me. At least they gave me a nice raise. But my time with Clint was numbered. I was stripped of the Affiliate Program (the one thing I really loved) and now I was the only guy answering phones/e-mails/chats. I went from a department of three down to a department of me.

My feelings of discontent were only hardened after the Rigged Christmas Party. And it seems like for every step forward, WestHost would take a step back and to manage always to poop on our parade.

I finally quit WestHost quite unexpectedly but that is a blog rant for another day. This one is much too long already!

Matt at Work: Welcome to Pepitoville

Day 318

Kristy got a real job teaching school down in Riverton, Utah so we backed up all of our belongings and we headed down south. It was great quitting my job at Convergys. The job itself was not bad but unfortunately the Logan Convergys had always suffered in the mid-management arena. There was a lot of good supervisors but then there were a lot of supervisors that only had the goal of self-promotion and looking good in front of others. At my last employment we had people that worked at the Logan Convergys work there. I could always tell which ones were supervisors there, they carried themselves differently. It was like they were trained to always strive to look better than other people and stab each other in the back.

Sounds like I have some stories to tell right?

But that is for another day. Today I am going to cover my next job. I was still working for Convergys but I was in a brand new project and I was working at a different facility.

I found a job about two weeks after we moved down to West Jordan. I applied to work a new project at Convergys. I was hoping that my experience working at Convergys would get me hired and it did. I was interviewed by my eventual boss John right on the spot. I went into the interview and bluntly told the truth of my time working at the Logan Convergys. He asked me what was one of the most important things I would want in this job. I quickly replied that I expect honesty and information, two things that I thought lacked in Logan. I must have made an impact with him because he then said "I usually don't do this but I want you on my team. I don't need to call you back." And I was hired.

I didn't know it going in but I was applying to work with Kraft. Yeah, the same company that produces Kraft Cheese and Macaroni. (that should be obvious right?) I was hired with another 20 people and we quickly began training. Training was a lot of fun. John and the Convergys reps were completely different people. I actually had Sick Days, I actually had vacation. I actually had reasonable goals. This was completely opposite of the Logan Convergys. I quickly picked up the system and made some fast friends and John relied on my to help lead.

And then Susan arrived. Susan was Kraft's representative, she was the one that would train us in Kraft's vast product line which we would handle half of. Susan and I didn't see eye-to-eye on a lot of things. Clearly she was superior to the rest of us Joe Schmoe's and we could tell. She looked down on all of us. She would have a limo come and pick her up and take her home. She wore these insanely fancy clothes and was cocky. So it was obvious that we were not going to be friends. I tried to like her but we rubbed each other the wrong way. I think what drove her nuts about me is that I liked to have fun and it seemed to her that I was very unprofessional and was not learning. But I knew my stuff and I picked things up so quickly. In fact John asked me to help those around me and that really ticked her off. But the Kraft portion of the training was fun. We got to try all of Kraft's products. We tried all the Post cereals, all the Oscar Mayer meat products (and now I only like to buy Oscar Mayer hotdogs), all the Jell-O and all the Kraft dry meals. We would cook them up and sample them.

One thing that I do not tolerate is disrespect. You respect me and my fellow workers, I will follow you to the moon. You start slamming people that do not deserve it and we will have problems. And one afternoon Susan got snotty and I let her have it. There was this young girl in our class that was not picking things up very well and I was assigned to help her out. I did my best to help her and we became friends. But Susan didn't think nicely of her and she berated her right in front of everyone. And I openly mocked Susan for doing so. Susan essentially called her a dullard and hick (I don't think Susan meant for us to hear it) and I took offense. In our training Susan would pretend to call in to complain about something and we would fill out these tickets. John wanted me to help this girl (since I knew how to take the call) so I "quietly" made fun of this lady that was calling in which meant I was making fun of Susan. And she picked up on it.

We met afterwards and I told Susan that she was being very disrespectful and told her that she was losing the respect of everyone she was training. I will give her credit, she backed off and apologized. I think I also earned her respect because when she would come out to visit later on we got along great.

Like I said, the training class was a lot of fun. During that month of training we all bonded together. We would go out together as a class for lunch and chat. I remember one lunch quite vividly. We were all chatting together and suddenly one of the girls (not the one I was friend's with) blurted out that she thought having an affair would be the most exciting and fun to do ever! We all looked at each other with our eyes bulging out of our heads. Suddenly Cathy (an older lady) yelled out "It is whores like you that ruin marriages!" Oh the awkward silence that came after that. It didn't surprise us that Miranda wanted an affair. She was quite flirty and outgoing but to actually come out and say that. That incident ruined the dynamic of our group. It was months later when we caught her and our other boss in the parking lot. More on that later!

Pepitoville was the name of our row. I got along with everyone that sat in our row and it made the days go by very quickly. Pepitoville was also the name of our blow-up pickle. Yeah, we had a pickle. When I left my fellow co-workers said that Pepitoville was no more and they gave me the original sign that hung in our row.

John was one of the best bosses I have ever had. He knew when to be serious and when to have fun. He was one of us. He didn't like Susan either and was not happy that I called her out but then didn't do anything about it either. He respected me and therefore I respected him. When I was hired, I got a nice raise since I worked at Logan for a year but for some stupid reason (oh yeah, management at Logan) my PTO (paid time off) would not roll over. I told John that Logan would not honor my PTO (since we really were not allowed to take it) and would not roll over my time. John thought this was outrageous and he took it upon himself to make it right. He spent hours on the phone with Logan and finally he came out as a winner. Unfortunately, I had to make a trip back to Logan to do some paperwork but I would get my PTO. When shook his head in disbelief when he told me how backwards and stupid they were. It was nice to have that sort of validation. John totally earned my respect.

During some of our slow times John would take me off the phones and we would call in and play jokes on our co-workers. We picked on this kid Randall because he was so nice and humble and best of all, a complete sucker. John would tell me what he wanted me to say and I would ad-lib the conversation. We gave him all sorts of problems, like does Kraft have any recipes for squirrels, can Miracle Whip be used for lotion, and things like that. I would always give him a fake name, usually it was Lucifer or Satan. We would spend hours calling around and making jokes. And I got paid for it all!

John and I would also bet on Bronco games. He was an avid Bronco fan (he was from Ft. Collins originally and went to CSU) and we would bet packs of soda. I think we ended up being even but we must have bought 10-12 packs of IBC soda.

Daryl was my other boss. He seemed like a nice enough fellow and had a neat British accent but the more I learned about him the more I didn't like. He was a pretty lazy boss and we had an altercation. (Geez, bosses must have hated me) I took a call from a lady that was extremely angry (I think it was because there were bugs in her cereal) and she let me have it. I tried to explain to her what might have happened and she demanded that she speak to a supervisor. I finally convinced Daryl to come take the call since she would not speak to me. She was beside herself and called me all sorts of nasty names. So Daryl takes the call and and eases her tension and then tells her that he was going to put me back on the line to get more information. I shook my head "no" and told him that it would be better for him to take the extra five minutes to handle the call. I was listening to the call as well and she didn't want to be passed back to me either. But Daryl was lazy and didn't want to do it. He placed her on hold and demanded that I take the call. I looked him square in the eyes and told him "to do his job" and I left. He took the call (all about three minutes worth) and we pulled me aside and called me a for making him take the call. John got involved and I told John what had happened and that he should pull the tape (meaning he should listen to the recorded call) and that Daryl shouldn't have passed that call to me. John agreed with me and stuck up for me. Daryl was not happy and he tried to pin everything on me. That was until we knew about him and Miranda. Now I am not supporting blackmail of any type. All I did was ask him if my evaluation would also be held in his car too. And that put a stop to Daryl.

The job itself was not too bad. Most of the calls came from people complaining about a product or they had a suggestion or they wanted a recipe. We would fill out these tickets and refund money or send out coupons and send out recipes. Most of the people I spoke with were friendly and rarely did I get a bad call. John would often pull me off the phones and work the floor assisting my co-workers. Sometimes I would take supervisor calls as well. One thing that I did notice right away was that I would get the same phone call every morning of everyday. It comes through the Oscar Mayer line and the area code is Florida.

SALTY BACON!

I would get these old people calling that there bacon was too salty. Every day! It was like clockwork! I can mimic these old people perfectly. One time I was doing my old man salty bacon voice for Kristy's family and my nephew didn't like it. He covered my mouth and told me not to do it anymore. Joseph was about six years old at the time.

Our class was so successful that Kraft decided to expand our operations and we got a new class. I was asked to help out with training this new class and I quickly made some new friends. I got to know them pretty well.

The job was decent but I was feeling a little burned out and I wanted to do something different in my life and I made the decision to go back to school. I quit my job 10 days before Christmas and it was sad to move on. I made some good friends and I really liked my boss. But all good things have to come to an end. They gave me a small going away party and a nice card signed by all my friends.

Matt at Work: Who's Complaining?

Day 309

Today has been a very good day. The weather was nice, I just finished an online live NFL Fantasy Draft, a nice cold Mountain Dew to go along with it, knowing that I am not getting that calling, and spending a night with my family making slushes and watching AFV. It just has been one of those days where I am plain happy to be where I am. I really have nothing that I should complain about.

When I worked at WestHost my boss Bevan made me sign up to get Dilbert sent to my e-mail everyday. A few days ago this one popped up.

That is EXACTLY like my old job at WestHost. A few months after I was hired the company wanted to see what employees thought about working at WestHost. Honestly, WestHost was not that bad of a place to work even though it definitely had its up and downs. So our Human Resources Manager Smalls (named after that kid in the Sandlot) came around and passed out an anonymous survey. We looked at the survey and my boss called me and Zack in. He showed us this tiny little number that was printed on the back of the survey. We then contacted other people in the company and found that they had different numbers. So they may not be able to tell who took the survey, they would at least know what department it was coming from. And when your company had about twenty employees it would be very easy to figure out who wrote what. And they wanted it hand written!

Smalls was like that annoying dog that was friend's with the bully dog. Always wanting to please the bigger dog no matter how stupid or asinine he looked.

My department, along with a few others, typed our surveys on separate pieces of paper. Smalls really tried his best to make it look innocent. But who would believe him when the evidence was so blatant. Even when we wrote things on separate papers they still tried to figure out who was who. They pegged my friend Zack with a different paper.

Of course this is from the same people who got mad at us when we were trying to do something nice for the company. Somehow our servers got screwed up and a lot of our client's websites were down and Technical Support was in chaos and were insanely busy taking all the calls. So a few of us downstairs thought it would be nice if we all forked in some cash to buy them all pizza and bring it in. We asked Smalls over IM if we could do that (hoping that maybe WestHost would also put up some of the money) and we got this reply:

Smalls: Who's complaining?

Safe to say that we didn't get them pizza.

Matt at Work: Sprint PCS and Convergys

Day 298

I quit Walmart because of three major things. The horrible hours, the horrible customer service and the horrible pay.

I remember my last day at Walmart. I walked in and told my manager and he totally understood. But then I had to tell his manager and he was not as forgiving. He told me that I would NEVER work at Walmart again and that I was not loyal and I should not use Walmart as a reference. Like I would mention that I worked at Walmart for a little more than 2 weeks anyway. I told him that I never plan on working at Walmart for the rest of my life. I even try not to shop at Walmart these days.

My sister Jennifer was working in the Billing Department for Sprint PCS, a cell phone company. She was really employed by Matrix Marketing who was handling all of Sprint's customer service. I applied and with her help I was hired. The guy that interviewed me knew my sister and most of the interview was mostly just chewing the fat about random stuff. I was hired and out into a training class.

I had to bike down from Utah State University (I was still in school) and then work (train) eight hours at Matrix Marketing. I was in a large class and I had a real nice trainer. In looking around I found that two other people from Walmart was in this class. No wonder Walmart was so mad that I left. I had a great class and made some fast friends (especially those that worked at Walmart) and soon I had a small group that I hung out with. If it wasn't for Rachel and Shelby, I would have loathed those three long weeks of training. I was hired into customer service so essentially I was on the front lines and could handle anything. I picked things up rather quickly and was told by my trainer that I was the best in the class and could be on the floor (meaning I could officially start taking calls) after just a week or so of training.

Finally I graduated and was sent to the wolves. My first supervisor was named Cole and he was awesome, probably one of the best bosses I have ever had. My team was filled was some real cool people, a lot of them my age doing the college thing. I met one of my good friends Blake there and we hung out all the time. I worked some horrible hours working from 2-11 PM but it was good money and not a bad job at all.

After a couple of months I had the opportunity to change my hours. I worked from 6-9 PM and that was much easier for me going to school. It was less money but that didn't matter at the time. I got a new supervisor Mark who was an older gentlemen and a real nice guy and I had a new team. I also got to work with Blake (he had the same hours) and I met another friend Jeremy and we did a ton of things together.

It was around this time that I also met one of my sister's friends who was a supervisor in Billing named Aaron. I liked him and his friends (liked his friends more than him) and he really saved me a couple of times. Working for Convergys (they had changed from Matrix Marketing to Convergys) was hard because they were not flexible and they demanded that we work a lot of overtime. And this was mandatory overtime, if you didn't sign up you would be in trouble. I couldn't work a ton of overtime since I was a student and I would try to squeeze in a few hours but it was difficult. If you needed to take some time off you had to find someone to take your shift and Convergys offered no way to assist that. You were on your own. Because Aaron was dating my sister he got me out of a lot of tight squeezes. One time I was at my dad's for Thanksgiving and I had to work that night. He called in to one of his connections and suddenly I was erased from the records so I didn't have to work.

Whenever I think of Tauntauns, I think of Aaron.

Another time my boss Mark came to me and said that he needed to meet with me personally about my attendance. He warned me that I was going to be written up. I understood, he felt bad but he had to do what he had to do. Aaron came over to say "hi" and I told him what had happened. He said he would check into it. An hour later my boss Mark came over and he said, "I knew I had to write you up about your attendance but when I checked the computer to pull your records I could only find one time you were gone. I guess I was looking at the wrong person, I don't need to write you up."  Aaron then came over after Mark left and said that he got rid of most of my absences.

My crew (Jeremy, Blake and I) got real good at finding ways around working. It was not like we were horrible workers. We did great jobs and often did more than what was expected. But we found ways to work less. We would always have "exceptions" which was a term for being off the phones. We would restart our computers claiming that there were issues just so we could take fifteen minutes and chat and make sure we were sitting together. During these exceptions sometimes we would run out to grab something to eat. We would also bug the Quality Department so we could have some reviews. We didn't need them but it was time off the phones. Our Quality Assessor (we called her Dr. Love) was awesome. She would take at least an hour when we bugged her to do some quality calls.

We also made friends with Jenn. She was the main scheduler and she ran parts of the floor. Somehow my overtime was always taken care of. I would still come in and work for an hour or so for overtime but she would take care of the rest. It was demanded that I work 8 hours of overtime a week. I would only work 1-2 hours even though in the records it was shown that I worked my full allotment. I don't know why she did that for me, I never asked for her to do it but it was appreciated.

The job itself was fun. I like helping people and I especially liked helping customers activate new accounts. I had some people really yell at me but I took it in stride. Most of the times I would just laugh (sometimes on mute) and do my best to satisfy the customer. We were allowed to give out free minutes and credits and I took full advantage of it. I was never a problem worker, Convergys and Sprint trusted me. By the end of my time at Sprint/Convergys I probably gave out at least $2,000 in credits. Sometimes I would do it to make the customer to shut up but mostly I did it because I could.

My last boss was a new employee named Amber. I quickly became her right-hand man. She would take me off the phones to help out our team and do other things. What she liked about me was that I told the truth and was not afraid to tell the truth to people whether to her or to our customers.

I am MISSION CONTROL...

One time I had an altercation with the She-Nazi. At Convergys they had a set of people called "Mission Control". They were essentially Nazis. They would march down the aisles looking for people that were not obeying the rules. One time I was on a long call. This customer had a lot of issues that needed to be dealt with. We had a goal in customer service to resolve calls within a certain amount of time. I was beyond this time and this fat smelly Nazi comes strolling down my row and starts to harass me while I was on the phone. He wanted answers! I finally asked the client if I could briefly place them on hold so I can talk to this fat guy who was yelling in my ear. The customer laughed because they could hear him too. He was not pleased and neither was I.  Anyway, that was not the She-Nazi story.

There was this lady (I think it was a lady, she looked like she could bench press me and then eat me later) and we were having computer problems. She came over to us and asked us to let her know if we were having issues. She was working on a computer when mine froze up so I raised my hand and told her I was having problems. She didn't respond, I wanted to make sure she heard me since I was afraid of her deep inside (she looked like a wrestler from the WWE) and so I mentioned it again and she turned and let me have it; cussing like a sailor. I was not happy so I got up and told her that ladies shouldn't speak in such tones and then told her she lacked respect. Another supervisor overheard this and got the main boss Buck to come over and talk to me. He thought I was being subordinate and was the cause of the problem. I was not going to back down from him either and I told him exactly what happened.

He believed me and the told me that he was proud that I stood up to her. He then asked how he could fix the issue and I really didn't want anything. But then after quickly thinking about it I decided that I wanted an apology. He said he was sorry but I interrupted him and said I wanted the apology from her. He gave me this blank stare (I am sure he was playing through that whole thing in his mind) and he went off. Then he came back about fifteen minutes later and the She-Nazi was with him. She apologized through gritted teeth. My supervisor tried to hold in his laughter.

Even if I don't agree with something, even if we don't see eye-to-eye, if you show me respect, I will work hard for you.

Convergys was not a bad job. But my time there ended when Kristy took her first teaching job and we were moving. But my Convergys experience continued. I got a job working for Kraft through Convergys and it was a totally different working experience.

Matt at Work: The Walmart Weeks

Day 269

After I "quit" my job at Dutro I had to quickly find another job. I was newly married and had a trailer payment to make.

So I got a job at Walmart. Yes, I actually worked for the evil empire.

Kristy was working at Walmart at the time and told me that they were hiring so I put my application in and was pretty much hired on the spot. My hiring was controversial. I was hired into the Toys Department (right before Christmas) and I was fine with that. But not everyone was happy that I took the Toys job. There was one lady, I think her name was Jane that worked in Housewares that was VERY unhappy that the job was given to me and not to her.

During my training, which by the way consisted of me watching these long videos (eight hours worth) of how to provide good customer service (which is obvious) and answering quizzes at the end, Jane would come in and visit me and try to sell her job so she could have mine. I had the choice between Toys and her department but when I met my new boss in Toys, he begged me to come to his department. Personally, I would rather work in Toys so I took that job. Jane was obviously not happy with me and seemed like she was stalking me. Even when I was working in the floor she would come over into my department and tell me what I should be doing.

After a week of working on the floor, my cool supervisor asked if I would work the midnight to 8:00 AM shift. They were re hauling the whole Toys department and he needed a crew to work overnight to get it all setup and it was for the whole week. I jumped at the chance, I would rather work late at night with no customers and to be away from Jane. That week was a lot of fun, I worked with a neat crew and it seemed like we played more than we worked. I remember one night we got a shipment of Hot Wheels and much to my surprise I had 2-3 customers come in and watch me open the boxes so they could see the new cars. At 3 in the morning!

Go Walmart! Kill Mom and Pop!

I had worked retail before when I worked at ShopKo but Walmart was a completely different world. I learned that there is no overstock at Walmart. Everything that was shipped in went right to the floor. I also learned that there was no security at Walmart. So when you hear those announcements that go "Please direct cameras to section 12" is just a bunch of baloney. They have no security cameras and we were told to let people get away with shoplifting. If you see it happening you had to get a manager and that was like trying to find a 4-leaf clover. Only managers could confront shoplifters. And what is up with that freaky Walmart chant? I luckily never had to do it since I worked late hours. It was also a rule to ask customers if they needed help if they were closer than 10 feet away, no matter what you were doing.

I only worked at Walmart for about three weeks. I got a job at Convergys that paid a lot more money. When I quit Walmart they were very unhappy with me. I had two exit interviews and during my last one, the manager told me that I would NEVER be hired at any Walmart. I had burned the Walmart Bridge.

What I really needed to burn was my working clothes. Walmart has a strange scent to it and it would stick to my clothes. I try not to shop at Walmart but when I do and I get a whiff of that smell, it totally takes me back to the short time I was a Walmart Associate.

Matt at Work: Chrisisms

Day 261

Last night Kristy and I were unwinding and watching some episodes of the Office. I really like that show it often times reminds me of the time when I worked in an office. The DVD's of the show are fantastic and the deleted scenes are so good and we wonder why they have been cut from the episode in the first place.

Last night we watched the episode from Season 5 where Michael and Dwight go on a mission undercover to find a local competitor and scope them out. Micheal gets more then what he bargains for when he gets his competitor's top client list. One of the funniest moments comes from the deleted scenes. Michael comments that it is a dog-eat-dog world and that he is a shark. And then he says he is a shark that eats dog-e-dog. Obviously he thinks dog-eat-dog is said dog-e-dog.

I think I would have had an easier time working for Michael Scott than I did with my other bosses.

And that moment instantly took me back to my last employment. We had a boss that did this sort of thing all the time. Our department would get together in our meetings and just laugh at what we called "Chrisisms".  He had two that were particularly memorable.

"You can't kick a gift horse in the mouse." I don't know what he thought that really means. All I know is that it almost made my boss lose it in an important meeting.

"But that is just a mute point." I wish I was there to hear that one. Actually I am glad that I wasn't there for that. He would have fired me right then and there for laughing. So he thinks that is a silent point? Maybe he is just telling us to shut up in a nice way. But really if he wanted all of us to shut up he would have plainly said it.

And that is what made these even better. He had a certain mentality that made him superior to the rest of us. I heard him say that there was a difference between managers and everyone else. But in his eyes we were all lesser than he.

That makes the Office such a great show. It does imitate real behavior. But I think I would actually like Michael and his quirks.

Matt at Work: Dutro Days

Day 235

After I joined the musical Chess, I needed to get a new job. Practices were Tuesday and Thursday nights and those were my big days working for Action and MotorCargo trucks. And I had Friday nights off so I would only be working two days a week and my boss was not a fan of that. So I had to find a new job and luckily I got one pretty quickly thanks to my dad.

I really like their camping stoves.

He was working at a place called Dutro making and shipping Camp Chef gas stoves. There were a couple of things that made this job fantastic, at least in the beginning. I had great hours, from 2 in the afternoon until 8 in the evening and I only worked Monday, Wednesdays and Fridays. Until my schedule changed once the musical actually started. The pay was not as great as it was working as a lumper but at least I had a job. One of the great things is that I got to see my dad a work for a couple of hours. I also got to work with a bunch of guys that were mine own age and they were really nice guys.

The job was basically a lot of grunt and assembly work. We would assemble stoves and box them and get them ready to ship. It was a lot of line assembly work but at least it varied from night to night. Some nights were easy and some nights were hard work. But still it was a lot of fun because of the people I was working with. No one knew that I was Paul's son when I was hired except for my boss Phil and Shane my supervisor. I would ask all the workers there what they thought of Paul and I was proud to hear that they all liked him and wished he ran more of the day-to-day stuff of the plant. I was glad to hear that my dad was an excellent boss and worker.

It was at this point that I was also going to school at Utah State University and where I met my soon-to-be wife. And I would marry her while I was at this job. It was good for school since I used the opportunity I had working with the mayor of Franklin to interview him for the paper. The summers were pretty good too working there. It was ten hour days but it was good to make some decent money during the summer.

But like all good things, this came to an end and it spiraled rather quickly when they hired a new guy to run the lines. But more on that later.

But first lets talk about the good things. It was a lot of fun working with my dad. I rarely saw him as it were and it was nice to see him daily. We would chat for a couple of minutes before I was off working. Sometimes I would help the day shift but most times I would either help the UPS shipping department or be stuck on my own working until more of the night shift came in. My direct supervisor Shane was a great guy to work with and I would later become his neighbor when I got married and lived in the trailer court on campus. The night crew was a lot of fun to work with. We would be always laughing and playing jokes on each other. One of the things we had to do while assembling stoves was to test the gas tubes that connect the propane to the stove itself. I usually would leave the tubes a little loose so gas would escape. When someone would turn on the gas and test it with a lighter... KABOOM! No one would really get hurt, it was just a minor explosion.

One time Legrand and I had made these thick plastic balls made out of plastic wrap (the stuff you wrap pallets of product with) and we would try to knock each other out with them. One day I was really taking it to my friend Legrand I was hitting him left and right. But eventually he got his revenge. He waited until my arms were full of papers before he let loose a fireball at me. I saw it coming and I scrambled to drop my load of papers on the desk. I turned quickly to catch the ball and it hit my fingers stubbing them. Or at least I thought it just stubbed my fingers. I shook my hand because of the pain and when I looked down at my hand I wondered why my ring finger was bent and pointing the other way. My boss Shane came over (as Legrand was laughing his butt off) and saw the same thing and his face went white. My finger was dislocated! I made Legrand pop it back into place and I went back to work. We both about passed out when he put my finger back in place. It made a sickening squishy sound as it slid into place.

But like I said before, the job was too good to last. Unfortunately they hired a new line supervisor named Lamie (not his real name of course) who had all these grand ideas about how he would run the place. And management at Dutro swallowed the whole bait in one gulp. Both day and night shifts were running just fine. The problem was the other side of Dutro where we wouldn't get parts made in a timely manner. If we had product made we could easily ship out thousands of stoves.

My old time card.

Rumors of Lamie coming in and dismantling the crews and how we did things took its toll on all of us. We knew what he thought of the night crew. He didn't like us because we were smart and we didn't need any management. We were very cost effective, they could pay us cheap since we were college students and we were only part time. We also worked really hard and we put out great numbers. But all Lamie saw was a way to save some quick bucks and make him look effective. All of us saw right through all of his bull. Legrand called it right away when Lamie was first hired. Lamie would walk around and act like he owned the place. Legrand and I were talking about him one day while assembling some SS50's and Legrand made a comment that he "would never follow some dumbarse wearing a Steelers coat and sunglasses all the time". We looked behind us and Lamie was standing right there. Legrand just smiled at him and said hello. We didn't care, we knew our time was coming.

Lamie did everything he could to try to con us. He would constantly tell us that we were valuable but then we would overhear him say to Phil and my dad that he would love to get rid of us all. I shouldn't admit this but some people easily got into his files and found evidence of this all. We also found a list of workers that would get raises and those that wouldn't and why. I found out that I was given a pretty decent raise only because I was Paul's son. But not the reason you think why. Under my name the reason they gave me a raise was to make me an ally and make my dad somewhat of an ally. My dad seriously disliked what Lamie thought was best and fought against it. Lamie lost the respect of everyone on the night crew when we found this memo. And of course we told the morning crew as well.

About a month or so went by and it was summer once again. We were all on the day shift during the summer when the company decided to have a meeting about what the future of Dutro was going to be. And we all knew what was going to happen. The night crew was going to be let go. Lamie wanted everyone that was against him out of the company. That was everyone on the night crew along with my dad. In fact, my dad was not even invited to this meeting. They sat us down and told us that it was more effective to let the night crew go. And we all balked and rolled our eyes. Lamie gave some reasons why and told us that we would all have jobs elsewhere in the company and finally I had had enough. I laughed at them and asked them exactly how they figured it would be more cost effective to let us go. They didn't know what to say, all they could say was I wouldn't understand. That made me even more angry. I got up and told them all that I knew exactly what they were doing and that Lamie was a liar and I walked off.

Lamie muttered something as I walked past and I immediately turned around and got into his face. He wouldn't look at me in the face. I asked him to repeat himself and he wouldn't. He said he was not talking to me. "If you were not talking to me how come you are afraid to tell me what you said?" He then said he was not afraid of me and I asked him why he was backing down. It was pretty tense. The funny thing is that Baugh pulled me away physically and told me it was not worth it and told me we should go talk to dad. For the whole time I worked there, Baugh had never said one word to me. He was a bit of a loner and rarely spoke to anyone but because he respected my dad, he pulled me away from Lamie.

He walked me to the back entrance where my dad was. I was still angry but I was finding it funny that Baugh was pulling me away. He told my dad that I was quite brave and was quite angry at Lamie and pulled me away before I used more bad language. That made my dad and I laugh.

I never turned in my Dutro timecard. I still keep this in my wallet to remind me to not be like Lamie.

The next few weeks were very tense with all of us but I still had a job to do and I was going to do what they hired me for. That was until Lamie made another couple of stupid mistakes. He hired some new people that he had worked with before and brought them in to eventually replace us. We rarely would work with these new people but it was only a matter of time before we got to know them. I became friends with one of them and she told me that both Phil and Lamie had told her and the new people to stay away from a bunch of us. We asked who and they pointed out every worker that was on the night crew. And those other jobs Lamie promised we would have? We talked to the guy in charge of the other side of the plant and he told us he had no idea what Lamie was talking about. I knew Lamie was a liar! Any respect that we had for management was quickly zapped.

Eventually I quit and moved on to my next job. But that is for another column.

Karma does come around. It was not long before Dutro saw the error of their ways and Lamie was eventually a goner. It's too bad that he ruined a good job for all of us, It was good while it lasted.

Matt at Work: Throwing Cookies

Day 185

I landed one of my favorite jobs just months before I left on my LDS mission to New York City. My mom's friend Betty Knapp said that MotorCargo needed "lumpers" to assist Pepperidge Farms load trucks of their products so I went and applied and was hired right on the spot.


My job was to work with a forklift driver from Pepperidge Farms and load trucks by hand. I was not paid by the hour, I was paid by the box and actually worked for two different companies. MotorCargo was my main employer but on Tuesday nights I worked for a trucking company called Action.

This was a great job and I had a lot of fun and I liked most of the people I worked with. It was a physically demanding job since I was "throwing" boxes. I would load pallets full and then stack them into a truck trailer. I would do one or two (sometimes more) trailers a night. What I liked about the job was that when I was finished with my trailer assignments, I was done for the night. So if I worked with a good worker, I could be down in just six hours or so. But if I worked with a slacker I could be there all night. Usually I worked with some hard workers and I was able to leave my shift early. The job was not as easy as it sounds though. We had to be dead on with our counts and how we loaded our trucks but I enjoyed the physical aspect of it. Before my mission I worked the afternoon shift from 2:00pm to whenever I was finished. It paid pretty well and at least I was in pretty decent shape when I left for my mission.

After my two year mission I returned home and the next day I got a call from my old boss at MotorCargo. He wanted to know if I could come in tomorrow and work. I was very happy that I had a job already but I was not ready to work right away. I told him that I would be happy to come in the next week which I did. I worked the morning shift (5:00am to whenever) and I loved it. I didn't care for going in so early but I loved working the morning shift. They had better and easier loads and the people were awesome. Each lady that I worked with in the morning was hard working. I especially liked working with a lady nicknamed by all the others as "Princess" because she got all the easy loads. I was usually done by noon most of the days and I worked everyday but Friday. It was nice to have the extra day off and still was paid like I was working five days a week.

I remember working with a lady that I really liked but was a little off. One morning I found that she was really off. She was a little buzzed which made for a fun and dangerous time at work since she was the forklift driver. I remember one time I was in the truck trailer unloading a pallet and she came in with another pallet of product. She asked how far she had to set it down and when I looked back she gunned the forklift and pushed the pallet I was working on right into me. I jumped up on the pallet (in order to save my feet from being crushed) and she kept going and squished me right into the row of boxes I had just unloaded. It was stuck and I could barely speak. They sent her home early after that. But still, I had a lot of fun working with the morning crew.

But I wanted to go to school so I offered to work the afternoon shift so I could take some morning classes at Utah State. This worked out pretty well for me. I worked everynight except for Friday nights. There were larger orders/trailers too so I made a lot more money. One of the best workers that Pepperidge had was a man named Rob. His goal was to get me out of work as quickly as possible so I could make the most money in the least amount of time. I loved to work with him since he was such a hard worker but he was a real slave driver! I would be sweating and out of breath by the time I was done working with him. We figured out one night that I was making about $46 dollars per hour one night. I threw so many boxes and did three trailers in about 2 and a half hours.

On another occasion working with Rob I got a huge ugly metal sliver in the palm of my hand and it hurt like the devil. Rob saw me whince in pain when I got it and he quickly hopped off this forklift and took a look at my hand. He saw it and said that we needed to get it out right away before it gets infected and before it got any deeper. He looked at me and asked "Do you trust me?" and I said "Yes" not knowing what he was going to do next. He grabbed my hand and stretched my palm back uncomfortably so the sliver would be sticking out the most and then he bit it out! Yes, he used his teeth to take out my sliver! And it worked, he pulled it out and spit it into my palm. Then he told me to hurry up and get my gloves back on because we were behind schedule!

I decided to quit this job when I tried out and joined the cast of "Chess" at the local theatre company. I wanted to do Chess more and I had enough money to keep me afloat for awhile. I eventually got a job where my dad worked since it worked with my rehearsal schedule for Chess.

I loved this job and am grateful that my mom's friend got me such a great job. One of the perks was that I got a huge discount at the Pepperidge Farms giftshop. I used to buy a ton of cookies and go around to my friend's home and girls I liked and supply them with plates of cookies. The girl at the giftshop liked me too and she used to hold stuff just for me. Funny thing is that I still got birthday cards for two years after I quit my job at MotorCargo. Our rep really liked me and wanted me to take charge of the whole operation.

From the Soap Box: Schmidtheads

Day 143

I am happy to say that I do not have many enemies. Or at least I don't know of many enemies. Perhaps I do have some that I just don't know about.

Have you ever met a person that you have totally disliked the moment you met them? Or the moment you heard their voice? That person is your arch-nemesis and I discovered mine a few years ago

I won't tell you his full name since he does have an online presence and I am sure he is one of those guys that googles himself to see if anyone is talking about him. It only took one phone call from this guy for me to affectionately call him "Schmidthead".

He is one of those people that feel that he is entitled to everything. Every time we came out with a special he would call in and berate us and then want something in return. And he wouldn't even ask us nicely either. He would just come right out and demand stuff. Most of the times he would even have the nerve to say You owe me this. I don't even use everything you give me but I deserve what new people are getting. Which was not entirely true either. I would calmly explain that his account had certain features that the new accounts do not have. And then he would then have the nerve to say I don't use them so I don't need them. I want the new one!

He was my most aggravating client. I had his phone number memorized and would curse when his number came up on caller ID. He would also send numerous e-mails in an attempt to bypass me.

One time I told him that if he wants the new account he can cancel his old one and move his stuff and then get a new one. He obviously didn't like my offer and wanted to speak to my boss. My boss told him the same thing and then Schmidthead called me back and demanded an apology from me. He wanted me to apologize because I was treating him horribly. I gave him the most fake and sarcastic apology ever just to get him off the phone. And then he went on and on about how I should do my job.

Now to put this in perspective, he was only angling to save 3 dollars a month. 3 WHOLE DOLLARS A MONTH!

The guy was a complete imbecile. Unfortunately he would call in every month looking for the next deal. You know if he was just nice to begin with, I would have made him happy. But condescending is not going to get you much from me. If you show me respect, I will return it. If you show me disrespect, the Karma Police will get you.

And it did. He tried to get a dedicated server for his pathetic website and pathetic uploading software (which he tried to sell to us) and we gave him an excellent price. More than what I would offer him. He rebuffed it and told us that this offer was insufficient. So I had the pleasure of calling him back and telling him that the price we gave him was off the table. He was furious. It was awesome. Thanks to the Karma Police, I had the last laugh. He finally relented and still got a deal but it was nowhere near as nice as the first one.

Every time I run into someone that behaves like this and has this egotistical entitlement attitude, I call them Schmidtheads.



I am so glad that I don't have to deal with the actual Schmidthead anymore. Unfortunately there are more people like him that are killing society.

Matt at Work: The Madden Tournament

Day 135

One of the cool things about my last employment was that they allowed us to have huge Halo parties at the office. They usually would supply some pizza as well but we could stay at the office for as long as we wanted playing games.

I am not a Halo guy at all. I played it once there and the only time I scored a kill was when I killed my own guy. Most of the time I was just killed as soon as I materialized back into the game.

So my friend Zack decided to do a Madden Party. Both him and I were huge into the Madden football games and he thought it would be fun to have a tournament with a cash prize. We got a few others to participate and donate five bucks. Zack thought he was going to win so he donated about $25 to the pot to generate interest.
I love Madden. I have played Madden since the 90's. I have owned a copy of Madden almost every year and I am pretty good at it. I was excited about the prospect of being the office champion. So one Friday night we all went back to the office, brought in some extra televisions and played Madden.

And I owned. The first tech was no match for me. When I got to play the second tech Tarren, we decided to even things up. I was a PS2 owner and he was an XBox guy. So we played a half on mine and a half on his. And I still killed him while playing on the XBox.

Zack got upset by another player who loved Madden as much as we did. Honestly though, he got lucky. But the championship was set, it was me versus Will. Will is not a bad player at all. In fact he is pretty good at identifying plays and countering with his defense. We were both the same team, the Buffalo Bills and I gave him the home field. I jumped out to an early lead and I was able to move up and down the field with ease. I had a good sized lead (I think it was about 24-0) but he started to notice my offense and was able to slow me down. At half time it was a lot closer than I wanted. It was 28-14 all through the 3rd quarter. At the start of the 4th quarter I thought I was in trouble. He was close to scoring and I had not been able to stop him. He scored a touchdown and brought the game within a touchdown and he was ecstatic.

But then I got the ball and I decided to go for a big play. And it ended up bigger than I thought it would turn out to be. My wide receiver was so open I couldn't believe it. I tossed him the ball and he scored the touchdown and I was back up by 14. And Will decided he could take no more. He got up suddenly, rattled off a few choice words under his breath and tossed the controller to the floor! He looked at me, giving me the evil eye and stormed out of the office. We could hear him stomp down the stairs and then we heard his car squeal out of the parking lot! I was glad to hear the squeal of his tires, at least that told me he was gone. I thought for sure he was going to wait for me to beat me up! So I pocketed the $50 proudly and carefully went home.

And that was the last Madden Tournament we had.

Matt at Work: ShopKo Days

Day 130

My second job was not as fun as my first job at Saddleman. A friend of the family (Kevin Donyez) from church (he was our home teacher) offered me a job in his department at ShopKo. I needed a job since it was summer and it would be nice to work a couple days out of the week during when school started.

So I interviewed and was hired. I worked in the School and Candy and the Health and Beauty Departments. I would work both departments some nights and others I would only work just the one. I preferred to work in Health and Beauty and only because it was a lot calmer. But I felt more helpless in that department since I was asked a lot of makeup questions. But the advantage of that department was there were a lot of girls.

And I learned rather quickly that my boss Kevin was a fine guy at church but at work he was not. He was one of the most hated manager at ShopKo and his boss was even worse. I used to volunteer to work Sundays so I wouldn't have to deal with either of them face to face. Kevin was still pretty nice to me but Tollefson was not nice to me. He was a tall fat man that liked to use intimidation to get his way. And you know by now how well that works with me. We got into many altercations about doing things that I will not bore you in telling. He hated me and I hated him. Luckily for me, I was well liked by other employees and everyone hated him.

That by far was the best part of my job. I really liked helping customers and I really liked helping other associates. Most of my time was helping the cashiers and the more I helped them out the more they would help my department when it was closing time. I flirted my best with them and it paid off. I know that the cashiers HATED to help my department straighten before closing. For those that don't know, every night you would have to clean up and straighten your department and it would have to pass an inspection from a manager. Tollefson always would inspect my department and make me do things over again. That was the worst part of my job, sometimes he would let everyone else go and keep me in late to straighten things. But because I made good friends with the cashiers they would stay late as well to help me and that irritated Tollefson so much. I don't know what I would do without those girls.

A huge ShopKo party was coming up at the park and the managers came up with an idea for a charity fundraiser. Up in the break room they had jars with a manager's photo on them. Employees could donate money and whoever had the most money would get a huge pie in the face. My boss had the most money in it, in fact one of my fellow department members donated $40 to make it happen. It was only the departmental managers that were eligible and not the Hard or Soft Line Managers. So Tollefson was not eligible. One night he was "fixing" my straightening mistakes and he pulled me aside and told me that I was horrible at cleaning up. So I told him that I would donate my whole check if only he took part in the pie event. He looked over at me and was NOT happy. I didn't look back at him, I just continued to do my job and then I muttered "Of course I think everyone would too, not just me." At this point I was so tired of him, Donyez and the job that I could care less if they fired me.

Since I was so horrible at straightening and cleaning my department I decided to start doing it early. I was supposed to start around 8:00 at night and I started at 6:30 instead. I finished up early as expected and the girl that was working in the Baby Department needed a lot of help and she asked if I could help. I was happy to help, she always stayed to help me so I was happy to have the opportunity to help her. I went into her department and started to clean up. I noticed that a ton of product had fallen from one of the glass shelves. I picked it up and tried to place it back on the shelf but the shelf was not all there. It had split in half and when I tried to place a toy on the shelf I almost severed my right thumb right off. It hurt and I shook it and blood went everywhere! I ran to the bathroom holding my thumb and blood was spurting all over. I got to the bathroom and tried to clean the wound but it was much too deep. One of our customers followed me in since he saw so much blood and asked if I was alright. I wrapped my thumb up and went to the service desk for help. The security guy looked at my thumb and quickly grasped it as hard as he could and we marched into his car and he took me right up to the hospital. I needed stitches. He said that my thumb was hanging there and I had cut it right to the bone.

I don't know what hurt more. The cut or the amount of strength he was using to crush my thumb to keep it from bleeding! I got into the emergency room and they sewed me up. I about passed out when the spread open the wound to see if there was any major damage and then they suddenly stuck a needle in it. I called my mom but she was not home so I called my dad. Now this was way before caller ID. I told my dad that I was in the hospital and he didn't believe me. After a few minutes of trying to convince him otherwise, the nurse finally lost her patience and grabbed the phone from me. "Your son is at the hospital. Can you come up?" It seemed like right after she hung up dad arrived at the door. You can see the scar and I have lost some feeling in my thumb.

Working retail is much like working fast food. The less you know, the better at what goes on behind the scenes. I was young, I was only sixteen at the time and I did stuff that obviously looking back was not in my best judgement. I admit that I spent a lot of time with the cashiers. Some of them would call the School and Candy Extension and we would spend a ton of time just talking. Sometimes they would announce that School and Candy was needed in the stock room and I would meet some of the ladies there and waste time. But I couldn't help it, it was a lot of fun. One time in particular I noticed that I was a bit stinky, I must have forgotten to put on deodorant. One of the cashiers (I cannot remember the names but I think it was Katie) called and I told her of my stinky predicament. She told me to meet her back in the stock room and I did. She had took a stick of deodorant off the shelf and gave it to me to use. And then we put it back on the shelf.

I cannot believe I just admitted that!

But the pressure was just too much. And it was taking a toll on me and my mom. She had to drive me to work and pick me up. And that was not fun since it was usually well after 11:00 when I was let go. So I decided to quit my job.

I was not scheduled to work one night but I came in anyway to speak to Kevin. I told him thanks for the opportunity but I was not happy. He knew this was coming and I think he was relieved that I took that step. I told him that I was not a fan of him and Tollefson and how they treated me but I enjoyed helping people. He said thanks as well and we parted the same way as we started. We were still friends. After I filled out the paperwork, I went downstairs and visited with the cashiers and thanked them for supporting me. One of the older ladies that I really liked helping was so sad. Katie gave me her phone number and told me to call her if I needed anything. Being a stupid teenager, I never did.

I worked there for only a few months but I had some fun experiences. I got to bust people for stealing and had some funny moments. Working in Health and Beauty supplied them all. I remember one time I was called to help a customer and I found her in the "pink" aisle. I asked her what she needed and she started to ask about a brand of tampons and then turned and saw who she was talking to. She was just as red as I was. And then we both busted up laughing. Another time this rather large lady came running toward me (I was stocking some soap) and she asked where the Tucks were. I remembered and pointed them out and off she went! I saw her run to the cashier so I went to the phone and called the cashier and asked about the customer. The cashier tried to contain her laughter as she told me that she was running to the bathroom.

Good times indeed. The only regret I have is that I never got to see Donyez take a pie to the face.