Matt at Work: The Evil IM

Day 95

At my last job we have Instant Messenger in the office so we all could communicate quickly. I also had the task to speak to clients in our LiveChat system off of the corporate website and I also had the task to review all the chats that employees had with clients. The longer I worked there using these chat programs, the better chance you had in saying something pretty stupid. I collected these in Word because some of them were pretty memorable. My friend Zack and I used to pull them out every once in awhile and laugh. Here are my favorites. I have changed some of the names slightly.


I got these ones while reviewing chat transcripts. Colby, Alex and Reid are technicians that worked online to assist clients.

Colby: Hello! Thank you for contacting us. Please allow me one moment to review your question.
Colby: Hell Greg, I am looking into this right now.
Gregt: well damnit, ok.

bonnie: it says you're typing but I don't see a response
Alex: Yes.
info: Chat session has been terminated by the site operator.

William: Understand. I just want to make sure I didn't get kicked off, as has happened here on LiveChat in the past.
Reid: Ok, I just wanted you assure you that I am her.
Reid: Ok, the reason I cannot, and you cannot, change to it, is, somehow, you got around giving it a name.

This next one was special. It was all mine.

Matt P: We have 24/7 technical support through the phone, e-mail and lovechat.
Jason: Wow. lovechat?

Embarrassing things were not only said to clients but also to co-workers. I was getting raked over the coals by our Billing Manager one time in IM. She kept going on and on about a mistake that was made. I forgot what she said, all I could remember is what I responded with.

April: Blah, Blah, Blah*
Matt: Go tit!

I was supposed to have said "Got it!" but I accidentally put a space where a space shouldn't be. I was so embarrassed and I thought for sure I was going to get ripped a new one. Surprisingly she laughed it off.

I have a bunch of other ones but I don't think anyone outside of that job would appreciate. And a lot of them are inside jokes. If I find a couple more, I'll post them.