Did I Scare You?

Day 361

It is no secret that I love to scare people. My dad, wife, sister and kid can all attest to that. I love watching people get scared as well. I don't mind too much when it happens to me either. I don't know why but I like the feeling of fear.

Before serving my LDS mission I had the greatest opportunity to put the scare into people. I had just come home early from working at Pepperidge Farms and I noticed that Damond and his friend Tyge was out in Damond's driveway talking. I stopped to chat with them and they were planning their date for that evening. They invited me along but I was dirty and tired and so I politely declined. Then Tyge asked me if I would be interested in wearing a gorilla suit and scaring the crap out of their dates.

Like I would turn down an invitation like that.

So they told me that they would be up the canyon at the Guineva camping ground around 7-7:30. I took the costume and went home and showered and ate and then got ready to go. I wore the suit down (except for the mask) and by the time I got there it was already getting dark. I spotted Damond's car so I knew that they were close. And then I could hear Tyge telling this spooky story by the campfire. Damond was there with his date (I think it was Brenea) and Tyge was there was Damond's sister Denise. I put on my mask and crept down towards them. I hid behind a tree and was only a few feet away from the group. I peered around the corner to get myself familiar with my surroundings and then I made my move.

I jumped from out beside the tree and landed with a loud roar and crashed right in front of the them. What I didn't expect is that the gorilla mask shifted too. It fell down further off my face and masked my eyes so I couldn't see that clearly. But that didn't stop me. I ran towards Damond and ran gut first right into the picnic table! And that made me mad so I screamed at the top of my lungs.

I definitely scared them. Tyge spotted me right before I jumped out but Damond had no idea I was there and even though he knew I was coming, I still scared him. All I could see of him was that he was crawling over his date. One of the girls (and I think it was Denise) screamed very loudly. Finally they all noticed Tyge laughing and the gig was up. I took off my mask and I am surprised that the girls didn't kill me. I stayed for a few minutes longer and chatted with them before I went home.

Yoinks!

But before I went home I decided to have a little more fun with the costume. I walked past the bathrooms and noticed that some girls that were going into the bathroom. So I waited for them to come out to give them a scare. I thought that I was being really nice because I wouldn't scare the pee out of them since I let them use the bathroom first. I stayed just off the path and barely in the moonlight when they came out. They got closer to me so I stepped in the moonlight and just on to the path. Just enough that the girls saw a hairy outline. They stopped right in there tracks and pointed right at me. "What is that? Is that someone?" They called out. I said nothing and then I moved a bit closer and more on the pathway. It didn't take them long to scream and bolt! I thought about chasing them but I thought that would be too mean.

But I was not done. As I was walking back to my car I saw a family sitting around the campfire and thought I could scare them as well. I put my mask on and ran into their campground and grunted and yelled. I ran right towards the family and jumped right over the campfire and kept running. I could hear a plethora of screams behind me. I laughed and laughed and took my mask off as I got to my car. As I was getting in I thought about how foolish this could have been. That dad could have caught me and beaten me to a pulp. But what was done was done. So I hopped in my car and drove out to the highway. As I was driving down the highway I passed a cop car that had his lights on. I looked in the rear view mirror and saw them pull into that camp ground.

I wonder if they were after me? I drove home and thought I should cruise main street in Logan with my mask on. I got a ton of second looks. Sometimes they would see me and tell the others in the car to look over and I would take my mask off before they could look.

I also drove up to USU and stopped by to see a few girls and of course scare them.

I wish I had a gorilla suit. 

My First Date

Day 324

It seems like forever ago.

FOR-EVER! FOR-EVER! FOR-EVER!

Okay, it is not that long ago. It was around this time 20 YEARS AGO! It has been so long ago that I just might not really remember it. It was Sky View's Homecoming Dance and my friends and I decided to get dates and go to the dance. I didn't think that I was going to go but at the last moment I decided to find a date.

There was this senior girl that I had seminary class (I was only a junior) with that I thought was a lot of fun. I knew she had a boyfriend from Logan High but I decided to ask her out anyway. Apparently this was just the start of a trend. I was always interested in older ladies that had boyfriends. I remember that I skipped my last period in school to whip up a fancy way of asking her to the dance. I don't remember what I did but I did include a picture of me when I was young in my fancy 70's style dancing suit and invited her to dance with a real star. Now that I think about it, I think I was striking a John Travolta-like pose in the picture.

Shannon answered me by filling up this insane huge bottle of M&M's and by making me count out all the colors and doing all this math. While I hated math, I did like eating chocolate.

But she did say yes and I had my first date!

I was a little nervous. I remember that I showered very early and got ready long before I was to pick her up. My friend Damond picked me up in his mini-van and we took off to corral the rest of the group. Damond's date was named Valerie and she was brand new girl that had just moved in. His cousin Kris came with us and his date was named Kara (I think, and I am too lazy to check) and Jester's date was Mykin. We went to pick up my date first and we got lost trying to find her house. Damond was so frustrated since we were so late. In fact we were about an hour late picking her up. We had to stop and ask someone and they pointed us to her house. Funny thing is that Damond got so mad at me for not knowing where she lived and I told him to calm down and he suddenly backed the van into this telephone pole. I felt bad until Jester laughed and laughed.

(Top Row) Me, Shannon, Damond, Jester, Kara

Valerie, Mykin, Kris

We finally got everyone and we went and ate at this place called "The Cottage" and then we headed to the dance. The dance was nice, I am glad that my first date was with someone that was my friend. I remember while dancing we would comment on everyone else and essentially "people-watch" the whole time. It was a nice and relaxing evening. I am not sure what we did after the dance, I think we headed back to Damond's house to play some games before we took the girls home.

Look how young I am...

Shannon was a neat girl that I still run into every once in awhile.

Spelunking in Logan

Day 319

When Kristy and I went 4-wheeling with my sister we passed Logan Cave and it brought back a ton of memories. This well-known cave extends about 4,000 feet into the mountain, and is as high as 70 feet in some places. It was carved by water seeping along faults and joints in the limestone, which slowly dissolved the rock. The cave is 4,290 feet long and relatively narrow with no large rooms or caverns. Much of the floor of the cave is also a stream bed as water collects and makes its way to the mouth of the cave and then into the Logan River.

Now, Logan Cave is gated to protect Townsend’s big-eared bats that live there. The bats are being protected as a sensitive species because of their susceptibility to disturbance. Simply walking past a colony can cause them to permanently abandon their roost.

Which is interesting considering I have been in the cave personally twice and the bats are still there.

The first time I went through Logan Cave was right before my friend Joel left to serve his LDS mission to Taiwan. Joel, Lared and I went through during the dead of winter. Which is good because that means the water in the cave is low enough to wade through. But the water is extremely cold so you had to make sure you wore a lot of layers of clothing. I was a bit nervous going through but it was a lot of fun. That is until Joel dropped his large flashlight down a crevasse, about twenty feet down. I had my little Maglite which I held with my teeth most of the time and Lared had a small flashlight as well. But we made it out safe.

The trip takes about about 1-2 hours and if you are a little claustrophobic this is not the cave for you. It is really enclosed and only a few of the "rooms" were large enough that you could stand without hitting your head. And of course, being in a cave it is dark. I never imagined it could get that dark!

There are some hairy places that caused me to pause and rethink (and pray) what I was doing.

The first one was called The Wall. You get to a stage in the cave where there is a large gaping hole which goes down at least twenty feet (this is where Joel dropped his flashlight). On the two sides are these walls which are only 3-4 feet apart. To get further into the cave you have to prop your feet on one side of the cave walls and put your back (like in the sitting position) up against the other wall. You would push against each other and edge your way for about 10-15 feet.

Another hairy place is called The Razor's Edge. You get to a stretch to where the only thing in your path is a long pointy rock (hence the name) and the cave walls are not in reach and there is a 10-15 foot drop off on each side. So you straddle the rock and ease your way down the path.

And I saved the best for last, The Toilet Bowl. And I don't think it is called that because it could cause you to drop bricks (even though that is entirely possible). Basically you have to squeeze through a hole (going up) through a hole that is the size of a toilet bowl. It is a little bigger than a toilet seat (and no I haven't actually tested that) but it is really small. The trick it to out your arms all the way up through and grab the sides and push up with your face right in the rocks.

If you wanted to go through Logan Cave you would need to know your toilet's dimensions.

I have been though Logan Cave twice. The second time I took Kristy through on a date. It was right before Joel and I went to New York. We had to be careful going in because they were going to close the cave down and they were not allowing people in so we had to go late at night. Joel had a date and we went through the cave only this time it was in the summer and the water was pretty high. There were parts where you could swim under the rocks but we wouldn't let Joel do that. Kristy was pretty brave about the whole thing. What made me laugh through the whole adventure was Kristy's reaction to everything. We would get to a point in the cave (like at the Razor's Edge) and Kristy would claim that she couldn't do it and suddenly she would disappear. Where did she disappear to? She was already on the other side of any given task. She did this for every single hard part. It was like her mind told her not to but her body said go right on ahead!

I know the picture is fuzzy but I wanted you to see the large amount of water that comes from the cave.

I think it is a shame that Logan Cave is gated and closed down. I understand that we want to protect species of animals but if they found the bats after I have been through, I don't think they were disturbed enough to leave the cave.

When Kristy Met Matt: Cheesy Cards

Day 276

I came off a horrible breakup right before I met Kristy. I didn't want to date any girls and I didn't want to meet any girls. I had sworn off girls completely. I became president of my own "Girl's Are Stupid" (G.A.S.)club and was very proud to be Anti-Girl.

Okay, I am just kidding about G.A.S. But I was very vocal about being Anti-Girl. I even went as far as to design my own Anti-Girl t-shirt complete with a bloody, gaping hole drawn on the shirt where my heart would be. I am sure it is still upstairs at my mom's house.

And then I met Kristy and I was intrigued. And then I dated her and then a year later we were engaged.

I was smitten and giddy and I have no problems admitting that. My friend Lared and I after we had a fun date with a girl we liked would always deliver the girl some sort of "Thank You" card a short time later. Of course that was just an excuse to see them again as well as show them that we can be romantic. We would sometimes accompany those with a treat or flowers. And we would always make the cards from scratch.

I write Kristy telling her that I wanted to give her real flowers but thought that these would be best since they would never wilt and die like our love for each other.* Kristy's brother Steven thought that my drawing was so awesome that he wanted one for himself. Maybe one day I will surprise Steven with some flowers in the mail like these. I should do it as a "Thank You" when I stay at his house Thanksgiving night so I can watch the Bengals/Jets game. I am sure he would appreciate it.

*I never said anything that cheesy. I only said they would never wilt or die but that was it.

Lared and I got a single rose and we snuck it in our date's apartment (usually with a roommate's help; we didn't sneak into their apartments on our own like some sicko!) and it was placed on their bed so they would find it after they came home from our date. We both got two cards, one that was something like a "Thank You" card thanking them for being such an awesome date. But to cover our butts we also included a "Deepest Sympathies" card just in case the date didn't go over that well.

 

This letter took me a ton of time to draw. I had more problems drawing Smiley Bone than I did Princess Leia. After I drew Leia I didn't want to give it up. I would re-do the Spider-Man. I got that mask all wrong.

Kristy knew I liked my drawing of Princess Leia so she made a copy of it and sent it to me. 

Nice to know that Kristy is willing to share me with Princess Leia. Good thing I am Mormon with polygamy and all.

The Video Date

Day 254

I had a lot of fun dating in high school. I rarely dated the same person and my friend Damond and I would always try to plan creative dates.

For this date I was super excited. Damond was dating a fun girl named Brenea and I was going on my first date with this cute blond named Valerie. Interesting side note, both Damond and I were dating older women. Well, they were only a year older than us but we thought we were living dangerously.

We didn't have much planned for this evening. We were planning on making some treats and then playing DumbDamondGames(tm). For those that don't know, DDG was just a series of silly nonsense games. Usually these games would somehow get us closer to our dates physically. It was all part of the master plan!

Instead Damond and I had a flash of brilliance. Let's make a music video! We dug out an old video camera and we found an even older tape player. This tape player had reels it was so old.

And we found the perfect song to do. "One Bad Apple" by the Osmond Brothers. We also found some old clothes to dress up in and we found what we wanted to use as musical instruments. I guess I should have noticed it then but I dressed up to be a bass player. I used a yard stick and wore a baseball hat with a scarf tucked in so it looked like I had long hair. I don't remember what the girls wore but I do remember that Damond had a helmet on and used a wood gold club. He would sing the lead and the rest of us would sing backup. We only mouthed the words of course. Damond one time swung his "mike stand" (golf club) and about smacked me in the groin. We would do the whole song and then we would watch them after and make plans for new videos. We laughed and laughed when we saw that Damond almost permanently neutered me but what really made us laugh was you could audibly hear me go "Whoa". We made three different videos and had a real hoot doing them.

After the date was over and we took the girls home Damond and I would stay up into the wee hours of the morning watching our videos and we would talk about what we thought of our dates. We had so much fun on this date that after our LDS Missions we did it again with a different set of girls. I even reprised my role as the long-haired bass player. It was still a lot of fun to do but unfortunately it just wasn't as magical as it was that first time.

I wish I had a copy of that tape. Sadly, Damond's dad taped over it all. If I would have known he was going to do that, I would have bought him some new tapes!

The Shake Date

Day 207

This ranks as one of my favorite things to do on a date. And the first time I did this was the most memorable and only for the ingredients chosen.

My friends and I would get some dates and we would visit the local supermarket and have each of our dates pick out one item that they would be willing to eat or at least try. All the guys would be in on it and we would have the final say in what items our dates chose. We would set up some rules like nothing raw, no condiments and nothing really expensive either.

We sent out the girls and it was fun watching them and seeing what they would pick out. One of the girl's picked out Sugar Cookie Dough. While that is raw, we heartily accepted it. My friend Lared's date chose spaghetti sauce and my date choose sardines.I don't know what was running through these girl's minds but they all said that they would be willing to eat all three. They must have thought that we were going to cook them all up together or something. Boy, were they wrong!

We took them to Charlie's (a local ice cream shop) and gave the girl's that worked there our ingredients and had them make a shake out of each item. Lared and I knew the girls that worked there pretty well so they had no problems in making them into shakes. Our dates were quite surprised that they were made into shakes and that they were going to eat them. Now they all promised that they would try them and to give our dates credit they did eat the shakes. We tried each shake so one couple was not stuck with one particular flavor.

Obviously the cookie dough shake was the best but surprisingly the spaghetti sauce one was the worst. It totally took the taste of the spaghetti sauce and it was like eating real cold spaghetti sauce plain. And the chunks in the sauce (which became frozen) were horrible to consume. The sardine shake was not fantastic but it was not that bad. You just had to be smart while eating it. All you had to do was to avoid the chunks of sardine and eat the ice cream. But the chunks were pretty horrible.

Lared announced that we should "man up" and finish all the shakes. The cookie dough one was the first to be taken and I didn't want to be stuck with the spaghetti one so I grabbed the sardine one. Lared and I looked at each other and took a deep breath and downed the shakes. Mine was really not all that bad until I got to the bottom. I looked down the cup while shoveling the ice cream down and saw yellow sardine oil and I about lost it. But I finished it anyway much to the laughter of everyone else. Lared couldn't even finish his shake.

And it shouldn't come to any surprise that I didn't kiss my date at the end. I am sure I had some major sardine breath. But these were the types of dates that Lared and I planned. We would always try to do something a little different and memorable. We did this date at least twice more after this one but sardines and spaghetti sauce will never be chosen again.

**BLOG UPDATE**

I am on Day 2 of my Chocolate Milk Diet. Yesterday I drank a cup before I went to work and then when I came home I drank another one and headed out for my run around the temple. Surprisingly, I did feel like I had more energy than usual. And I ran a little longer than normal and felt pretty good too. And I was surprised that downing my third 8 ounce glass of chocolate milk right after my workout was not that bad.

Today was another story. I did the same thing only I ran a couple of blocks longer than usual. Instead of walking home, I ran most of the way home which is quite the difference and I still have some energy. And the chocolate milk went down nice and easy. I am looking forward to seeing how much I improve in the next 2 weeks.

Black and White Days

Day 196

This weekend was Richmond's annual Black and White Days. And it is a weekend that I look forward to ever since I moved to Richmond years and years ago. We just got back from the parade.

Let me first give you a little history of what Black and White Days are and why it has a special meaning to me.

The very first Holstein (cows for those that don't know) show in Richmond was held in 1912. Local dairymen drove their best Holsteins into town and they were judged by a panel judges and they picked out the best cattle. A short break in 1913-14 was due to a national emergency caused by hoof-and-mouth disease. By 1915, though, the disease had been stopped and the show resumed. Since then, the show has continued uninterrupted.  As the cattle show and sale continued to grow, other events were added to the celebration. Carnival rides, food vendors, footraces, and a parade were incorporated. The Saturday evening horse pull now caps the week-long event.

Every year the parade would go right past my house and I have only missed a few parades in the last 22 years. In fact, I think I only missed a couple when I was living in New York. And the parade itself is not what made it fun. It was fun seeing neighbors and family. And as the years have passed on, seeing those old neighbors and family members make it much more special. Sometimes that might be the only time I get to see them.

The parade usually attracts a lot of older cars. Our neighbor's, the Derr's always have a car to show.

One year my Uncle Kurt was in charge of putting the parade together. He asked for my help and I assisted him in painting lines and numbers at the beginning of the parade route so every float and participant knew where to line up. I had a date that evening and she was in the parade. She was one of Smithfield's (another town close by) Royalty. I saw which spot she was supposed to be in so I painted her a special message.

Uncle Kurt and I chatting at the parade with my sister in the forefront.

And this is why Black and White Days was awesome when I younger. My friend Damond and I would always get dates for that day. We would pick them up and bring them to my house so they could watch the parade and then we would have dinner (BBQ) either at my house or at Damond's house. And then we would go watch the Horse Pulls that evening. Now you may be asking what the heck Horse Pulls are and they are exactly what they sound like. Farmers would bring their strongest horses and they would have a competition to see whose horses were the strongest. They would pull these huge concrete barrels and they would have to pull them a certain distance. Damond and I would take our dates to see this competition. We would bring a blanket to sit on and we would pick a set of horses and see if they would win. Now this may sound boring but Damond and I had ulterior motives for taking a date to the Horse Pulls. The Horse Pulls themselves were actually quite intense. These horses were so big and strong. And they would get pretty psyched to pull weight and sometimes the horses would just go so you had to be careful if they came your way. It seemed interesting to me that these horses themselves were competitive.

But the best part for going to the Horse Pulls was being with a girl on a date. Damond and I would take a girl that we really thought was special. The Horse Pulls went right into the evening and sometimes really late in the evening and it would get a little cool when the sun went down. So we would get a couple of blankets and sit with our date under the blankets. And just maybe you might be able to snuggle a bit with your date.

Yes, THAT is the only reason to go to the Horse Pulls at night. I took a date almost every year and some were better than others. Afterwards, we would head back to my house or to Damond's and have some ice cream and play some games. Some of my favorite dates were these ones.

Our parade even has a representative from the Galactic Empire. I didn't know if I should salute or not.

Here is Logan sharing some candy with his cousin Jessica

After I was married, I still came back to Black and White Days, especially for the parade. And now Kristy's sister comes too. And since we all have small children it is even better. It is so fun to watch the cute little kids go after candy. I trained Logan early on to smile cutely and wave at the girls so he could get some candy.

Like I said, some cute kids.

The month of May is one of my favorite months since we have Black and White Days and usually an Anhder Reunion. It is good to see family and visit with them. I have a great family.

When Kristy met Matt: The Big Blue Special

Day 108

When I first started this blog this was the first story that came to mind. It was also the first one that I wrote and I have been waiting and waiting to finally debut it.

Residents of Cache Valley may know what I am talking about but for those unfamiliar with the term, let me explain.

At the local A&W's there is a burger combo called the Big Blue Special. It is named after Big Blue, the mascot for our college (Utah State University) here in Logan. This burger is HUGE. It has three burger patties, tons of lettuce and sauce. It comes with a ton of curly fries and 2 large glasses of fresh A&W Root Beer.

This is where it all happened!

My friends in college would frequent this place to eat and we would all get the Big Blue Special and it was our challenge to eat it all. This also includes the free refill of Root Beer. This would leave us full, so very full. Oftentimes we would sit at A&W's for hours because we were so full. This was our Man Test. You cannot be a man if you could not finish this amount of food. My friends and I conquered it and we would be quite cocky about it, boasting to every one that we were men.

At the time I was dating my wife (obviously before she became my wife) and my friend Lared and I were over at her apartment visiting Kristy (my wife) and her roommates. Lared asked if Kristy would be worthy of me and said that she should partake of the Man Test at A&W's. Kristy is not one to back from a challenge. Her roommates overheard this and they wanted to prove that they could easily pass this "simple" Man Test so we set a date. Tomorrow we would all come over and pick up the girls and head to A&W's for lunch. It was me, Lared, Bear and one of his friends and Kristy's roommates Heather, Emily, Nicole and Stacey.

We told them the test and off we ate. My strategy is to take small sips of the first root beer and have it down the hatch BEFORE you finish your burger. The hardest part is getting all that root beer down. One of Kristy's roommates ordered her root beer with ice cream. I couldn't believe it. Was she just trying to act all macho? Lared and I contemplated that this was mere bravado, she didn't know what she was getting into.

Some of the guys were finishing up and there were just a few girls left over. One girl still had her fries while Heather (this cute little girl who ordered the Root Beer Float) was struggling to finish the rest of her drink. Surprisingly, many of the girls were able to finish the whole meal. I was very impressed that Kristy was able to finish it off, especially since carbonation was something she didn't consume at all. Heather was complaining that her tummy was really hurting so someone suggested that she lean forward on her hands and get on all fours to help take the pressure off her belly. She leaned forward and suddenly, without warning she barfed! It was all ice cream and root beer, it was like someone just tipped a glass. Everyone scattered laughing. I about died.

One of the girl's that worked at A&W's saw the mess on the table and thought she must have spilt her drink (I told you it was only a Root Beer Float) and she grabbed a thin paper towel and started sopping it up. That was too much, feeling like I was going to barf, I went to the counter and grabbed a paper and started to read it aloud. My friend Bear came over to me and put his arm around me and read it with me. Anything to get our minds off of her barfing and off of the girl wiping it up!

One of her roommates stayed right in her chair and continued to eat her fries during the whole barfing incident. She just left the table with her fries and kept pounding them down. Officially everyone finished and passed the Man Test. Heather should have been disqualified since she really didn't eat all her food but we decided she should pass since our rules were ambiguous when it came to if the food should remain in her tummy.


Every time I pass by the old A&W's, I think of this time. For my wedding present, Lared gave me a set of four large official A&W mugs to remember this occasion. When Kristy and I were married we used to visit Lared and his roomies to have Root Beer Float parties too. Those were some good times.

I still use those glasses but only at special times.

Stupid Things I Learned: Vaseline

Day 87

Before I left on my LDS mission to New York, I was having quite a fun time socially. Since I was leaving on a mission shortly, I was able to date without having to be serious. My group of friends had made friends with a set of girls from the southern end of the valley. We hung out with these girls quite a bit, they were a fun bunch. Most times they would call us and we would have this huge group date.

My friend Angie called me up and asked if me and my friends would be interested in going to a Girl's Choice Dance. I had no problem with that so we coordinated so all my friends had dates. It was a fifties style date, we were asked to dress accordingly for it. I borrowed a leather jacket and Lared and I greased our hair with Vaseline. Isn't Vaseline water proof? Yes, it is. I didn't know that at the time though.



We went on the date and we had a ton of fun. Angie and I hung out longer than everyone else and I didn't get home until late. It was around two in the morning when I came home and I was cold and I wanted to get this grease out of my hair. It was so cold (how cold was it?), it was so cold that the pipes froze. I had no hot water at all. My mom got up and told me as I tried to run the shower. I told her what I did and she laughed. "Didn't you know you shouldn't put Vaseline in your hair? It is waterproof!" Yeah, I obviously didn't know. I know what you are thinking, why couldn't I just put some hair gel in my hair. Straight answer. I have absolutely no clue at all. But what's done is done. So we boiled some water and it didn't come out. So I went to bed and went down to my grandparent's to use their hot water.


I also tried a variety of soaps, shampoos, Soft Scrub, pretty much anything but to no avail. It just didn't want to come out at all. My scalp felt so rare after awhile, that Soft Scrub burned like nothing else! It took a few weeks for my hair to comeback to normal.

So here is a tip. Don't put Vaseline in your hair. Use hair gel.

The Potato Sack Lady

Day 81

Thinking about my boxing experience yesterday certainly brought up a ton of memories. Like I said before, I had great friends in high school that liked to have a great time together. My friends and I always double-dated, in that way if our date was not so great we could at least hang out as buddies. I never thought that would save me before but one fateful day it did.

I didn't have the greatest self-esteem back during my high school days but I was not afraid to ask a girl out. It could be any girl whether she was older, whether she had a boyfriend, it didn't matter to me. When I found a girl I wanted to date, I would date her. It was just that simple.

There was this girl a year younger than me that I had my eye on. I won't reveal her identity but if you really want to know just ask. She was a real cute girl and seemed pretty popular (she was a cheerleader). But that didn't scare me at all, I knew I would have a good time with her since my friends and I planned the coolest dates. So I called her and it seemed that I could never get a chance to take her out. Finally she relented and we planned a date for that next Saturday.

Damond and I (and his cousin) decided we would take the girls to 1st dam and teach them how to fish and play on the small beach there. Then we would have a picnic and then play some games after and perhaps get some ice cream.

I remember the beginning and ending of this date like it was yesterday. I went and picked her up and her mom was in the front doing some yard work. We took off and did some fishing. All of the other girls were having a good time, at least we thought they were. At least if they weren't, they were fantastic fakers.

Except for my date. She just sat there. She barely said a word and would barely talk to any of us. She was not nice either, she would say things that would make all of us shake our heads. She was as lifeless and sat there like a SACK OF POTATOES! There is just no other way to describe it. In fact, potato sacks are a lot more fun!


I was tired of her so I told Damond to take us home. We got to her house and her mother was still doing yard work, she was mowing the lawn! I barely walked her to the door I was so ticked off at her. Then she had the nerve to tell me that we should get together some other time. You blew it honey! You had your chance.

She forever will be remembered as the POTATO SACK LADY to my friends. After I dropped her off I went back and hung out with everyone else. Even Mrs. PotatoHead would have been a funner and better date!


Funny thing is that many years later, my then future wife met her in one of her classes. Kristy told them that she just was engaged and one of the girls asked who she was engaged to. Kristy told her and she said that she once dated me. That was like five years after! Kristy told me and I told her that she had the pleasure meeting the Potato Sack Lady.

When Kristy Met Matt: True Aggies!

Day 21

Last night Kristy and I watched our hometown Utah State University play Boise State in football on ESPN2. That was big for a couple of reasons, as reported before my wife and I met on the campus of Utah State University and that was the first time Utah State's football team had a nationally televised game. We got trounced 52-21 but it brought back those college memories and the pride we had being a Utah State Aggie.

But did you know that we are True Aggies?

No? Well, let me give you a little history before we get into that.

Kristy graduated from Utah State but unfortunately I did not. I did go to USU for a number of years but when Kristy got the call to be a teacher down south we packed our bags and headed out. Those college days were a lot of fun and USU has a lot of unique things that make USU and Logan (the town) special. Two things that stick out are Aggie Ice Cream and Merlin Olsen.

First let's talk about Aggie Ice Cream. If you EVER come to Logan, you need to head up to campus and get yourself a scoop of Aggie Ice Cream. This is a tradition, alumni always come back to Aggie Ice Cream. My grandpa ate Aggie Ice Cream, my parents did, I did (and still do) and I have passed this tradition to my son. So what makes it different? Aggie Ice Cream has a 12% butterfat content. It's aged slightly longer and contains less air than most commercial brands. And it was the first ice cream to make it to outer space. You want to know more about it? Check out this page.



Aggie Ice Cream also is the background for one of the Breinholt's favorite family moments. Kristy's family were up visiting and Kristy (like she always does so successfully) got her mom to take us all for Aggie Ice Cream. We hopped out of the car and we were all excited for some ice cream so one of them decided to act out a little. He was singing "Fatso! Fatso Man! I want to be... ...a Fatso Man!" (sung to the tune of "Macho Man" by the Village People. Well, as it turns out, while he was singing he didn't notice the rather large man eating a huge ice cream cone. He turned right into him singing "I wanna be... ...a Fatso Man!" I was so embarrassed. Because that idiot that was singing was me.

Raise your hands if you know who Merlin Olsen is. Merlin Olsen played in the NFL for 15 seasons making the Pro Bowl 14 times. He became part of one of the best front fours in NFL history. Deacon Jones, Rosey Grier, Lamar Lundy and Merlin Olsen were named "The Fearsome Foursome." He was inducted into the NFL Hall of Fame in 1982. In 1999, he was ranked number 25 on The Sporting News' list of the 100 Greatest Football Players. But most of you know him when he guest starred on Little House on the Prairie. He eventually got his own series called Father Murphy. He was born not to far from where I live now, the park a block away is named after him and his sister still lives here.



So history and tradition play an important part at USU. And one the more interesting traditions is becoming a True Aggie. On campus there is a little stand that is shaped like an "A". To become a "True Aggie" you stand on the "A" with your significant other and smooch. But you have to do that on the Friday night before Homecoming. And usually that is the same night as the Homecoming Dance. Kristy and I went to the dance with a bunch of friends (yes, that is a gun Kristy is holding, long story) we first had dinner and then to the dance. My friend Lared was suspecting that I would take Kristy and pay a visit to the "A". After the dance we all dropped off our dates and I snuck back and grabbed Kristy and we headed off.
FUN FACT: That red dress Kristy is wearing? She made it.



We were not the only ones. There was a small crowd of people watching (and this is well past midnight) and it was snowing quite a bit. Lared was right and he beat us up there and snapped some pics! So that is what a True Aggie is and yes, Kristy and I are True Aggies.



We really just believe in tradition is all. *wink* *wink*

When Kristy Met Matt: The Conclusion

Kristy was now home for summer in West Jordan, a couple of hours south of where I was. At this time I was taking an acting class and we had to go to Salt Lake City every other Thursday to work on our acting portfolio for the Eastman Agency. Salt Lake was not far from West Jordan at all so I had the perfect opportunity to see her and visit her family as well.

She would come up on the weekend to visit her sister Lynn (it was just an excuse to see me though) and she also had a wedding reception for her former roommate Heidi. I was grilled by all of our roommates about what was taking so long. I told them that while I am only going 3MPH (miles per hour) I would still get there!

We saw each other at least weekly, with her either coming up or me going down and it was a lot of fun. But I wanted to know for sure if having a relationship with her was something she wanted too. Our next date was the one where I would figure this all out. I got tickets to see Les Miserables down in Salt Lake so I drove down and picked her up. We ate dinner at the Training Table (a yummy Utah stable) and we parked the car and walked to the Capital Theatre. We should have brought some tissue, not because that the musical was sad (and it did have its moments) but because we had bloody noses because our seats were so far up! The musical was just as good as I remembered it (I saw it already in New York) And Kristy really liked it too. After the play we walked back to the car and I took her hand. I was bringing her back to Logan so we went back to her parent's house and she packed and got ready. The drive home was great. I told her how much I loved being with her and I wanted to know if we should continue. She nodded (too shy I guess) and I took her hand again and told her she was the best thing that has happened to me.





Kristy had to come up for another weekend for a Track meeting at Utah State so we planned a date for that weekend. My friend Lared got a date himself (Carrissa) and we planned something fun. I called Kristy and I told her to dress all in white if possible. I dressed in purple, Lared dressed in green and Carrissa dressed in blue. Why? Because we went and played Clue at the mall and got Orange Julius for drinks. We were supposed to be dressed like our characters. We played a couple of board games at the mall. The mall people let us stay while they cleaned up and closed the mall. We took them home later that evening and told then that we would be back tomorrow night. We had another strange date planned.

One of my favorite date ideas to do with Lared was to take the girls to a grocery store and have them pick an item that they would be willing to eat. No condiments and nothing raw were the only rules. Lared and I would also pick out something too but we knew what was going on, they didn't. Kristy picked out sugar cookie dough, Lared and I picked out some Mixed Fruit Jello and Carrissa picked out a sausage. We went and paid for them and then headed to the local ice cream shop, Charlie's. We gave the waitresses the items and told them to make a shake for each one of them. And we had to eat them since we all said we were willing to eat them. I was so glad that I tipped Kristy off to get something sweet. The Jello one was not that great but the sausage one was horrible! But we finished them. You think that is gross? Wait till you find out what items were chosen when we did it last time! Kristy had a great sense of humor and I was finding myself much more comfortable being around her.

The next day I went and met Lared and we picked up Missy and Kristy and we headed to Hailey, Idaho to visit their roommate Angela. That was a pretty long road trip but it was fun singing and cracking jokes. We got to Angela's house and met her parents. Her mom was so excited to meet me. "Oh your Matt! The one dating Kristy!" I guess that made it official. "You know Angela has not had date one since she has been home!" Such a funny lady. It was during this trip that everything was all out in the open. Kristy and I were dating officially and I never dated another girl.

Hailey is a pretty place nestled in a canyon. We took a tour of the city with Angela and we saw Arnold Schwarzenegger's summer mansion. It was so big! I could probably live there and he would have no idea it was so big. We all went to the park and fed some ducks and birds. Lared was the Bird King. He sat down in a chair and all these birds surrounded him and he gently fed the birds. Kristy and I on the other hand were a little more fearful (as you can see in the picture below). I don't care for birds chasing me around and pecking at my feet. I was feeding the ducks talking to Missy when suddenly we hear this small yell. It was Kristy. We turned and saw her run away from the lake and right behind her was this large goose. She didn't think it was funny but Missy and I certainly did. The drive home was fun. It was nice to have the relationship all in the open now. Missy and Lared were certainly grumpy all the way home. I accidentally took a wrong turn and we drove past Snake River and we saw a beautiful canyon. The walls that surrounded the river were so high. But Missy and Lared didn't care, all they did was complain like little children!



We dated for about a year or so when I finally popped the question. But that is another column.

When Kristy Met Matt Part III

DAY 5

I had a successful first date with Kristy and I was happy I made an impression. School was ending shortly so I made an effort to see her as much as possible before she headed home for the summer. My friend Lared saw that I hit it off with her too and he made the extra effort to make sure we hooked up.

I used to work for Motor Cargo, I was a lumper. I would load these huge trucks with boxes and boxes of Pepperidge Farm cookies. I worked from 2 in the afternoon till between 8 and 10 at night. I got a couple of good trucks and I came home early, hoping Lared will call to hang out. He did call, he invited me over to a friend's house (Bear) and said "Kristy is here and you know what the best part is? Eric isn't!" So I showered and headed over there right away.

Lared was not the only friend that helped me. Kristy's roommate Angel was a huge help too. I was at their apartment and Kristy had to run upstairs and Angel took me aside and said, "I'm glad things clicked before she had to go home." I was glad too. That evening we all went for a hike and it was so cool because Kristy and I spent the most time together. Eric was there also, he was hiking with Angela. Angel was the only roommate in the beginning that was fighting for me, some of Kristy's other roommates were trying to have Eric win her over. That night we all went outside and watched a terrible movie, Cutthroat Island. The movie was horrible but the company was great.


Back row: Bear, Brandon, Lared, Kristy, Lared's much younger brother Dallin, Missy
Front row: Bear's brother, Steve, Angela, Me and Angel


This picture makes me laugh. It is Angela, Kristy, Angel, Me and Dallin. He looks so funny all curled up in the blanket.

The next day I went over and helped Kristy and her roommates clean their apartment. That was an adventure. Kristy's younger sister Renae came up and it was fun to meet some of her family. Kristy's roommate Missy was pretty grumpy and it was a lot of fun to really try to make her laugh. We cleaned the fridge/freezer together and that was so hilarious. Missy would take something out of the fridge and complain about it and then I would ask, "Does it have a name on it? No? Then garbage it!" Deep down inside, even though I am sure I was annoying the crap out of her, she was happy that I was helping it go by so quickly. Then I went upstairs to help vacuum some rooms and came face to face with the biggest strand of hair EVER! I picked it up and it was stuck in the carpet, I kept pulling and pulling and pulling and it kept getting longer and longer! BRRRRRRRR! Angela cornered me and asked me who I was after. I played coy and told her I was after them all! We then took a time out and went and got lunch at Quizno's. Kristy's family came up to pick her and her things up. Her mom seemed very nice and asked if I was going to visit.



Before I left, Kristy gave me a bag of Hershey's Hugs and a cute note written on pink paper. Basically she was inviting me down to visit. So she was making her choice, she wanted me.

Now I don't want to chronicle all that went on in our courtship. I have one, maybe two more columns to go, where it hits the fan. In a good way. Other columns will cover the wedding and how I asked and stuff like that.

When Kristy Met Matt Part II

DAY 4

The story continues...

My friend Lared knew that I was attracted to Kristy so he did everything possible to help get me to date her. We had a couple of group activities with a bunch of friends and I made sure Kristy and her roommates were invited. The more I hung out with her, the more I liked. She had a great sense of humor and didn't mind playing with boys by getting physical. So I decided to ask her out. Unfortunately I was struck down twice but for good reasons. Both times I asked her out and she declined, she was out of town running track. I was becoming desperate and I was getting discouraged at being rejected so many times. Lared then offered some great advice. "You need to take Kristy out before school is out and you are running out of time. Kristy needs to choose either you or Eric but you have to take her out!" So I tried again. She was studying at the library one afternoon and I went and asked her out. She said "yes" this time and I was on cloud nine. Let the best man win!

Lared and I knew that we had to have a special date. Something so cool and exciting and memorable. And we had the perfect plan!

After picking up our dates (we were with another couple of couples) we first went to Subway and picked up some sandwiches. We then took them up Logan Canyon and we hiked up to the Wind Caves. These caves are awesome looking and it was a nice hike. We ate the sandwiches up there and played around for a little bit. Then we hiked down and drove to Adam's Park in Smithfield. We got into Lared's trunk and we pulled out a ton of camouflage clothing and some Lazer Tag guns and told the girls to dress up. They looked confused so Lared and I threw some of the clothes on and Lared looks right at them and says, "It's War!" The girls complied and we headed into the park to play some Lazer Tag. It was getting dark after about an hour of playing. I suggested to Kristy that we should climb up this tree and act like a sniper. Lared and his date Marcie came across and didn't see us. Suddenly Lared was getting hit. And he knew from experience that it was me that was hitting him. Lared jumped into some bushes for cover.

It was then that Kristy and I noticed that there were a couple of cop cars looking at Lared's car. It is against the law to be in the park after dusk. Then we saw that they were coming closer and closer with flashlights. They were after us! We were in camo and up the tree so I didn't think that Kristy and I were in danger. Lared saw the cops and he yells out to run. I told Kristy to hold still but then I noticed that she was gone running! I jumped down the tree and my foot got caught in the branch and the cops were getting closer and closer. I got lose and the cops saw me and yelled for me to stop. Kristy was running so fast that she was literally kicking dirt in my face. Lared was leading us the couple of miles to our friend Joey's house. The cops flashlights were on me, I could see my shadow from the flashlights they were so close. We climbed through a ton of bushes and made it into a guy's backyard. We travelled silently in the night from backyard to backyard escaping the cops. We crossed into a horse pasture and crossed over some barb wire fences. Lared was leading and I was last, making sure that no one saw us. Both Kristy and I were startled when we saw this horse just looking at us when we got to the fence. Suddenly we looked up again and it was right beside us! We finally made it to Joey's house. He was having a party inside and we thought it would be fun for us to crash into his house with our Lazer Tags and camo. Not everyone thought that was funny, we certainly scared them! We took off our camo and laughed about the experience but we had a problem. We needed to go back to the park to pick up Lared's car.

So Marcie and Lared (now back dressed in their civilian clothing) and Joey got into Joey's car and they drove over to get Lared's car. He got back safely so we all thought it would be fun to climb into Lared's car and go back to the park. We wanted to see really how far we went. That was not a bright idea. There was six of us all crammed in Lared's car and we passed a cop at the park. Lared quickly hit the gas when he saw the cop turn around. Lared's quick and rash thinking saved us. We sped into another neighborhood and parked his car in one of the house's driveway and shut off the car and we all ducked. We were lucky, we lost the cop car. We should have waited a bit but instead we thought it would be best if we got back to Joey's house and end the night. On the way back we got to a 4-way stop sign and sure enough there was the cop on the other side. It passed us and I looked at the cop and he looked right back at us. Lared hit the gas again and the cop turned around. Joey's house was located right in the middle of the block so we took off down his driveway extremely fast and shut off the car and ran into Joey's. We got lucky once again.

I knew at that moment that Kristy was worth fighting for. She had a real good time on that date and she was not mad or disappointed or anything. I found a keeper. After we dropped off our dates, Lared and I met after to talk and we made Certificates of Bravery to award them (with a plate of cookies) when we saw them next.


Front of the card. Notice how I spelled her name wrong.


Inside of the card with the certificate. Right when I finished I realized that I may have spelt her name wrong. So I took some toilet paper and wrote an apology.




After I also heard that Eric was quite mad that I got to Kristy that weekend before he did. He was the one that wanted this war, and I was not about to let up either. I mean really, could he top my first date with Kristy?

When Kristy Met Matt: Part 1

DAY 3

I get asked this question quite a bit. Especially now that Kristy works with the Young Women. They all want to know if I asked Kristy to marry her all romantic like or if we knew we were for each other on our first date. I am not a romantic guy, I can be cheesy but I am not all that romantic. Sorry people, don't expect a romantic story here.

I was coming off a bad break up. Well, it really wasn't much of a breakup since she did it over the phone while I was sicker than a dog. I guess it was not much of a real relationship since she was cheating on me anyway. My last girlfriend was using me to lure her boyfriend to propose and marry her. Mission accomplished! My friend Lared was wise because he never really liked her. I knew things were heading downhill and it really hit when Lared called me and said she was macking with some guy that was not me. Soon after I was dumped. The only good thing that came out of that relationship was Scott and Kari. Kari was her roommate and I set her up with Scott and they ended up getting married. It was totally worth the heartache I went through to have them happy. I was the ultimate wing man! Funny thing is that she had the nerve to invite me to the wedding and wedding reception. Yeah right lady.

Anyway I was down in the dumps and went completely Anti-Girls. I decided to grow a goatee (as was the style at the time) because I could care less about dating and meeting girls. I felt bad for my friend Lared because he wanted to double date all the time and I barely had any interest. I took a marriage class at the LDS Institute and my teacher Bro. Gudmunson said that after you have been burned and spurned you would found the one you would marry right after. He was right.


My best friend in high school, Damond Peterson was running for Service Vice President for Utah State University and he asked me to help campaign for me. He was then dating his campaign manager, a pretty girl named Christa. I was happy to help out when I was available. Lared and I went from dorm to dorm and provided service for each door we knocked on. Whether it was washing dishes or taking the garbage out we got Damond's name out there by doing the service and handing them this little flyer. My hands were so wrinkly from washing all those dishes and some of those dishes were disgusting. After one of our outings Krista held a meeting at her apartment for all the volunteers that were helping Damond so Lared and I went. That is when I was first introduced to all of Krista's roommates. And they were all pretty which delighted Lared. I thought so too but at that time I could care less. But then this little blond girl came in from running and ran up the stairs and she caught my eye. The frost was starting to thaw. I had a girl I was interested in.


As it turned out it was awhile before I actually would take her out. One day I saw her on campus. It was snowing pretty hard and I tried to hit her with a few snowballs. I caught up with her and we talked and I knew I wanted to date her. But I was not totally ready just yet. Something was standing in my way and his name was Eric.

Eric was a former roommate of Lared and was a pretty cool guy and I considered him a good friend. We introduced him to the Girls of G4 (that was the apartment number at the Old Farm Apartments) and he was also interested in Kristy. At first I was okay with it, I was still a bit Anti-Girl and it didn't help matters that all of Kristy's roommates wanted Eric to take her out. One time Lared and I stopped by G4 and Kristy was the only one there and we took her over to Eric's apartment to see a movie with a group of friends. Eric was totally interested in her. One time Lared and I were running around and we dropped by Eric's to see if we could use the phone and Missy and Kristy were there playing games. I was so jealous and mad. They invited us in and we played some games but honestly I was still steamed at the idea that Eric was making moves on Kristy. I became frustrated because Eric was there all the time with her and I couldn't take it anymore and became Anti once again.

Then something happened that completely changed the game. Lared, Eric and I were heading to a dance at the University and we were talking about girls. Eric asked "You dig Kristy right? Why don't you ask her out?" My reply was "No." I explained that the reason was I don't want to cause any problems and I was fine with him taking her out. "That's weak!" is what he told me back. And that irritated me. It totally struck a nerve.

So what did I do? I took Kristy's roommate Angel out. That will show them! Angel was such a nice girl, she knew I was interested in Kristy. We had a cool date, we were in a large group with Lared taking out Angela (another one of Kristy's roommates) but unfortunately Eric was with Kristy. We cooked up some breakfast food on the roof of Thomas Jeweler's in downtown Logan. Afterward we went bowling and it was a lot of fun even though my eyes were not on Angel and I was irritated and it showed. I couldn't stand seeing Eric have a good time with her. Angel knew this and was a great friend to have at the time. She told me not to give up and I didn't.


Left to Right: Kristy with the arch rival Eric, Angel and I, Angela and Lared.

Stay tuned for Part II. It involves our first big date which included being chased by cops!