Jan 6, 2010

Am I Regretting This?

Day 67

One of my fellow bloggers mentioned that we are now down in the 200's of our year-long blogging quest. That sounds like we have accomplished a lot, 67 days in a row sounds impressive. But then I calculated the percent.


We are only 18% of the way through! Oh nelly, I have a lot of work ahead of me. Honestly though, writing 67 blogs is a lot of hard work but well worth it. It has been a lot of fun trying to remember the past but sometimes there are things that I don't want to remember too.

Most of the people that know I am doing this challenge has asked me if I regret doing it. While it has at times the blog has been annoying, I don't regret it at all. I seldom regret about things. There are those regrets in life that I think everyone gets. Should I have tried harder in school, should I have kept my job after high school, those type of regrets. Ultimately there is nothing I can do about it now and hindsight is 20/20 right? Should I dwell on those regrets? Nah, if I did I might as well regret that I never bought stock in Google too.

But there are some things that I do regret. Action I should have taken but didn't. The one regret that seems the most damning to me and sticks out the most happened while I was attending Sifton Elementary School.

It was my fifth grade (my favorite grade) and I really liked my class and teacher. I also had a *huge* crush on this girl. I don't want to name her since there is a slight chance she could be reading this and I don't want to embarrass her any further. But then anyone that knew me back then, knew that I had a crush on her. It was pretty obvious. She was in the same class as me but was a year older. She was such a cute little blonde girl that used to wear this "Men at Work" shirt that I thought she looked best in. I did my best to get her to like me but I think I was a little over eager.

One day I came out of class and she was walking home too. I wanted to walk home with her (and I probably timed this out too) but unfortunately these other sixth graders came out and was bugging her. I hated these guys, absolutely hated them, they were a bunch of idiots and bullies. They surrounded her and were messing with her and I walked right on by. The she called my name out for help. I turned but was afraid of getting beaten up so I kept walking.

I am such a coward. I'll never forget this, I don't think I could forget this if I tried. I don't think anything major happened but that is not the point. She asked for my help and I tucked my tail firmly between my legs and walked away. Even though it has been so many years later, when I see a picture of this girl, I remember failing her when she needed me. I should have stood tall and did something. I'm sure I would have got my rear end kicked but it would have been worth it.

She went on to junior high the next year and I rarely saw her again. Sometimes I would see her on the same public bus riding home from school but I never had the guts to speak to her again. Not because I was shy, but because I was ashamed. Sadly, that is really my last memory of her.

I am so sorry for not standing up for you.


  1. Funny how some moments in time are always so clear even when they happened a long time ago. Childhood regrets are the best because they sting in an unforgettable way so that we hopefully won't make those mistakes as adults.